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Ida Chamness letters, 1910-1922

1913-11-21 Page 76

-76- shudder. I can not describe my feelings;--the very thought of it; under the circumstances both here and there. And I fearing I would take sick on the way, before I could get there. And even if I got there, most likely I should have to take to the bed, not be able to attend meetings;--only be a care to some one. O, the testings of faith and obedience, what humiliating circumstances! Well, after a time of silence, I felt to kneel in prayer, to the affect that He to, whom, I had covenanted in the past when I was in great trouble and distress if I only might have His leadings and be in acceptance with Him; I would obey Him though all men should turn against me: and count it as nothing. "And now O Lord, I am put to the test: be pleased to be near thy poor, and helpless handmaiden. Leave me not but grant me Thy help and leading, that I may do Thy will," etc. After this, I felt to speak to the family saying, "I have been anxious to know for certain that I was right, and might not be permitted to go or be misled--I have felt a desire that I might talk to God, personally, and, now we know we can not see God with the natural eye; or hear him with the natural ear: but, can hear Him in the soul, and see Him with the spiritual eye and according to that hearing, feeling and seeing, I feel that I shall have to go to North Carolina Yearly meeting. And I feel

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-76- shudder. I can not describe my feelings;--the very thought of it; under the circumstances both here and there. And I fearing I would take sick on the way, before I could get there. And even if I got there, most likely I should have to take to the bed, not be able to attend meetings;--only be a care to some one. O, the testings of faith and obedience, what humiliating circumstances! Well, after a time of silence, I felt to kneel in prayer, to the affect that He to, whom, I had covenanted in the past when I was in great trouble and distress if I only might have His leadings and be in acceptance with Him; I would obey Him though all men should turn against me: and count it as nothing. "And now O Lord, I am put to the test: be pleased to be near thy poor, and helpless handmaiden. Leave me not but grant me Thy help and leading, that I may do Thy will," etc. After this, I felt to speak to the family saying, "I have been anxious to know for certain that I was right, and might not be permitted to go or be misled--I have felt a desire that I might talk to God, personally, and, now we know we can not see God with the natural eye; or hear him with the natural ear: but, can hear Him in the soul, and see Him with the spiritual eye and according to that hearing, feeling and seeing, I feel that I shall have to go to North Carolina Yearly meeting. And I feel