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Eve Drewelowe's journals, volumes II-III, 1950s
Page 144
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through. I didn't think beyond that. - I didn't dare - I didn't dare think what my stomach would be like when we did come through. Now before being wheeled from room nine to room seven my confidence was reestablished and reaffirmed It is queer how brave we become in an hour of acute trial. It is strange to become by so much courage. I had surprisedly much more than I would have dared to hope for. Where did I muster it from. I was a brave individual that morning and otherwise I am such a coward at heart - so afraid of pain, of trouble, of inconvenience. It means, however, that when we need a special amount of courage to see a thing well through, it is at our command. It is perhaps a legacy from a long row of ancestors for such bravery must seep in from somewhere. It was certainly a convenience to me to have an unknown source and supply to draw upon - something I was altogether unaware of. Whereas I fully expected to be a sort of yellow, cranking thing, I was unexpectedly and unresoursefully brave. I was proud of my demeanor. I didn't know that I had it on me to face pain so unflinchingly. Not only was I brave but all the while the anestheseaia was perforating my abdomen - all this in room 9 - I was chatting away, busily gathering information about generals and surgery and tucking it away for future reference in an undisturbed corner of my mind. That made the whole process much less ominous and much more interesting. Not one moment was wasted to my knowledge; when I could gain some knowledge. Questions were asked to be sure, but the technicians eager to ease the strain, as much as I was willing to talk - and he did.
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through. I didn't think beyond that. - I didn't dare - I didn't dare think what my stomach would be like when we did come through. Now before being wheeled from room nine to room seven my confidence was reestablished and reaffirmed It is queer how brave we become in an hour of acute trial. It is strange to become by so much courage. I had surprisedly much more than I would have dared to hope for. Where did I muster it from. I was a brave individual that morning and otherwise I am such a coward at heart - so afraid of pain, of trouble, of inconvenience. It means, however, that when we need a special amount of courage to see a thing well through, it is at our command. It is perhaps a legacy from a long row of ancestors for such bravery must seep in from somewhere. It was certainly a convenience to me to have an unknown source and supply to draw upon - something I was altogether unaware of. Whereas I fully expected to be a sort of yellow, cranking thing, I was unexpectedly and unresoursefully brave. I was proud of my demeanor. I didn't know that I had it on me to face pain so unflinchingly. Not only was I brave but all the while the anestheseaia was perforating my abdomen - all this in room 9 - I was chatting away, busily gathering information about generals and surgery and tucking it away for future reference in an undisturbed corner of my mind. That made the whole process much less ominous and much more interesting. Not one moment was wasted to my knowledge; when I could gain some knowledge. Questions were asked to be sure, but the technicians eager to ease the strain, as much as I was willing to talk - and he did.
Iowa Women’s Lives: Letters and Diaries
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