DIY History | Transcribe | Iowa Women’s Lives: Letters and Diaries | Eve Drewelowe's journals, volumes II-III, 1950s

Transcribe
Translate

Eve Drewelowe's journals, volumes II-III, 1950s

Page 183

And now since "I am a STOMACH" the predominantly great need in life is that I be enabled to express myself and my aesthetic drives without further hindrance. To say that which must be said ere life is done. This expression must come on canvas in my own way. For as has been tried to have shown within these pages, utterance cannot be otherwise, defined as it is by the individual human equation. It is impossible to have expression otherwise even though one greatly deserves to have it be so.
Then only, if I am able to fulfill my destiny, shall my life not have been lived in vain. Then only shall I have approached achievement for existence. Then only performed in second with the best that was in me. Then only shall the tumult in my own person and soul be throttled and I shall be able to live in the serenity of accomplishment. Work perhaps not too well done or too successful but nevertheless representing the giving of my best efforts. Then only the reason for my having been shall not have been stiffed in a world crowded and untoward events and oftentimes that relatively unimportant ado about little or even nothing. Then inspiration so long destitute and as planned shall at least have had its opportunity and been unleashed for the good of my own salvation. Small matter then, if expression has not resulted in human betterment, for it was not in me to go beyond the narrow constrictions governing my destiny.
So in order to put into desirable effect the fate that is in store for me and paint to the utmost capacity I must demand of life - that institution which has duly been responsible in large measure for having done this thing. I must insist upon time with the proper opportunity and environment to recover health. Moreover I shall command that the stress and strain of the existence which was mine be eased so that the tension shall not be too great for limited endurance. So that henceforth it may be possible to live in comparative well-being and moderate physical comfort. In addition I claim the right to keep and guard that which I hope to have attained through long years of patience with pain.
As for those ideas espousing the value of the character building elements generating from trevail and distress, these thoughts may be rejected as nonsensical. Those torturous devices of nature for firing the soul in its prevalent state, may well be eliminated

Saving...

And now since "I am a STOMACH" the predominantly great need in life is that I be enabled to express myself and my aesthetic drives without further hindrance. To say that which must be said ere life is done. This expression must come on canvas in my own way. For as has been tried to have shown within these pages, utterance cannot be otherwise, defined as it is by the individual human equation. It is impossible to have expression otherwise even though one greatly deserves to have it be so. Then only, if I am able to fulfill my destiny, shall my life not have been lived in vain. Then only shall I have approached achievement for existence. Then only performed in second with the best that was in me. Then only shall the tumult in my own person and soul be throttled and I shall be able to live in the serenity of accomplishment. Work perhaps not too well done or too successful but nevertheless representing the giving of my best efforts. Then only the reason for my having been shall not have been stiffed in a world crowded and untoward events and oftentimes that relatively unimportant ado about little or even nothing. Then inspiration so long destitute and as planned shall at least have had its opportunity and been unleashed for the good of my own salvation. Small matter then, if expression has not resulted in human betterment, for it was not in me to go beyond the narrow constrictions governing my destiny. So in order to put into desirable effect the fate that is in store for me and paint to the utmost capacity I must demand of life - that institution which has duly been responsible in large measure for having done this thing. I must insist upon time with the proper opportunity and environment to recover health. Moreover I shall command that the stress and strain of the existence which was mine be eased so that the tension shall not be too great for limited endurance. So that henceforth it may be possible to live in comparative well-being and moderate physical comfort. In addition I claim the right to keep and guard that which I hope to have attained through long years of patience with pain. As for those ideas espousing the value of the character building elements generating from trevail and distress, these thoughts may be rejected as nonsensical. Those torturous devices of nature for firing the soul in its prevalent state, may well be eliminated