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Eve Drewelowe's journals, volumes II-III, 1950s
Page 202
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need of the hands to do the bidding of the soul to paint and you fail a bombshell that has been touched off. It will only erupt dangerously with quit unpredictable results to the individual. Note for instance my own stomach. Describing is not all due to sensitivities and allergies but bafflement of the spirit. The deduction to the drawn might be that it would seem best to let nature take her own course, and the organism express itself in accordance with its own needs. The price otherwise may not only be a complete atrophying of ability, but annihilation of the individual. I haven't always been like this or there might be little hope of getting righted again. With time, patience, and a regulated life I should regain some of the erstwhile vigor that was mine. A zest for timing that had cooled so considerably should also again be mine. Even now however I am much too excitable. It is much better to stave off the pressure of creative urge, under the circumstances as long as possible. The fever of painting can be turned on any day by taking out a canvas and beginning on one of the many compositions. When it does strike, there is no retraction until the fever has spent itself. There is no turning it off or disconnecting the excitement until I have exhausted myself- not the material. The canvas "makings" are never done but spin on endlessly - Oh! so endlessly! There is no hope of peace! Therefore it is much better to desist from painting as long as it is half-way comfortable to do so. All efforts at pushing my stomach mechanism back into focus have been of no avail. I have abided by the letter of the law and yet the results have not been too netful, too encouraging
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need of the hands to do the bidding of the soul to paint and you fail a bombshell that has been touched off. It will only erupt dangerously with quit unpredictable results to the individual. Note for instance my own stomach. Describing is not all due to sensitivities and allergies but bafflement of the spirit. The deduction to the drawn might be that it would seem best to let nature take her own course, and the organism express itself in accordance with its own needs. The price otherwise may not only be a complete atrophying of ability, but annihilation of the individual. I haven't always been like this or there might be little hope of getting righted again. With time, patience, and a regulated life I should regain some of the erstwhile vigor that was mine. A zest for timing that had cooled so considerably should also again be mine. Even now however I am much too excitable. It is much better to stave off the pressure of creative urge, under the circumstances as long as possible. The fever of painting can be turned on any day by taking out a canvas and beginning on one of the many compositions. When it does strike, there is no retraction until the fever has spent itself. There is no turning it off or disconnecting the excitement until I have exhausted myself- not the material. The canvas "makings" are never done but spin on endlessly - Oh! so endlessly! There is no hope of peace! Therefore it is much better to desist from painting as long as it is half-way comfortable to do so. All efforts at pushing my stomach mechanism back into focus have been of no avail. I have abided by the letter of the law and yet the results have not been too netful, too encouraging
Iowa Women’s Lives: Letters and Diaries
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