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Acolyte, v. 2, issue 4, whole no. 8, Fall 1944

The Battle That Ended The Century
CMS FOUND IN A TIME MACHINE

Probably by H.P. Lovecraft

(Note: This odd item was one of the minor sensations of weird fandom back in the summer of 1934. With no signature appended, two legal sized mimeographed sheets, bearing the following whimsy, appeared in the mail boxes of the old Lovecraft weird gang. The postmark was "Washington, D.C.", and the blank envelopes gave absolutely no clue as to the sender. Though he denied it vigorously, Lovecraft was pretty generally suspected of having had a hand in the leaflet, which certainly shows many marks of his style. The editors of The Acolyte felt that a reprint might be of some slight interest; consequently we induced August Derleth to prepare a glossary of the Weird Tales circle), and in addition have appended certain letter excerpts bearing on the matter. Thanks are due to August Derleth, Clark Ashton Smith, and Duane W. Rimel for their assistence and/or the loan of material. --FTL/SDR.)

On the eve of the year 2001 a vast crowd of interested spectators were present amidst the romantic ruins of Cohen's Garage on the former site of New York, to witness a fistic encounter between two renowned champions of the strange-story firmament -- Two-Gun Bob, the Terror of the Plains, and Knockout Bernie, the Wild Wolf of West Shoken. Before the battle the auguries were determined by the venerated Thibetan Lama Bill Lum Li, who evoked the primal serpent-god of Valusia and found unmistakeable signs of vistory for both sides. Cream-puffs were inattentively vended by Wladislaw Brenryk - the partakers being treated by thw official surgeons, Drs. D. H. Killer and M. Gin Brewery.
The gong was sounded at 39 o'clock, after which the air grew red with the gore of battle, lavishly flung about by the mighty Texas slughterer. Very shortly the first actual damage occurred -- the loosening of several teeth in both participants. One, bouncing out from the Wolf's mouth after a casual tap from Two-Gun, described a parabola toward Yucatan; being retrieved in a hasty expedition by Messrs. A. Hijacked Barrell and G. A. Scotland. This incident was used by the eminent sociologist and ex-poet Frank chimesleep Short, Jr. as the basis of a ballad of proletarian propaganda with three intentionally defective lines. Meanwhile a potentate from a neighboring kingdom, The Effjay of Akkamin, (also known to himself as an amateur critic) expressed his frenzied disgust at the technique of the combatants, at the same time peddling photographs of  the fighters (with himself in the foreground) at five cents each.
In round two the Shokan Soaker's sturdy right crashed through the Texan's ribs and became entangled in sundry viscera; threby enabling Two-Gun to get in several telling blows on his opponent's unprotected chin. Bob was greatly annoyed by the effeminate squeamishness shown by several onlookers as muscles, glands, gore, and bits of flesh were spattered over the ring side. During this round the eminent magazine cover anatomist Mrs. M. Blunderage portrayed the battlers as a pair of spirited nudes behind a thin veil of conveniently curling tobacco-smoke, while the late Mr. C.-Half-Cent provided a sketch of three Chinamen clad in silk hats and goloshes -- this being his own original conception of the affray. Among the amateur sketches made was one by Mr. Goofy Hooey, which later gained fame in an annual Cubist exhibit as "Abstraction of an Eradicated Pudding",
In the third round the fight grew really rough; several ears and other appurtenances being wholly or partly detached from the frontier battler by the Shokan Shocker. Somewhat irritated, Two-Gun countered with some except

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The Battle That Ended The Century CMS FOUND IN A TIME MACHINE Probably by H.P. Lovecraft (Note: This odd item was one of the minor sensations of weird fandom back in the summer of 1934. With no signature appended, two legal sized mimeographed sheets, bearing the following whimsy, appeared in the mail boxes of the old Lovecraft weird gang. The postmark was "Washington, D.C.", and the blank envelopes gave absolutely no clue as to the sender. Though he denied it vigorously, Lovecraft was pretty generally suspected of having had a hand in the leaflet, which certainly shows many marks of his style. The editors of The Acolyte felt that a reprint might be of some slight interest; consequently we induced August Derleth to prepare a glossary of the Weird Tales circle), and in addition have appended certain letter excerpts bearing on the matter. Thanks are due to August Derleth, Clark Ashton Smith, and Duane W. Rimel for their assistence and/or the loan of material. --FTL/SDR.) On the eve of the year 2001 a vast crowd of interested spectators were present amidst the romantic ruins of Cohen's Garage on the former site of New York, to witness a fistic encounter between two renowned champions of the strange-story firmament -- Two-Gun Bob, the Terror of the Plains, and Knockout Bernie, the Wild Wolf of West Shoken. Before the battle the auguries were determined by the venerated Thibetan Lama Bill Lum Li, who evoked the primal serpent-god of Valusia and found unmistakeable signs of vistory for both sides. Cream-puffs were inattentively vended by Wladislaw Brenryk - the partakers being treated by thw official surgeons, Drs. D. H. Killer and M. Gin Brewery. The gong was sounded at 39 o'clock, after which the air grew red with the gore of battle, lavishly flung about by the mighty Texas slughterer. Very shortly the first actual damage occurred -- the loosening of several teeth in both participants. One, bouncing out from the Wolf's mouth after a casual tap from Two-Gun, described a parabola toward Yucatan; being retrieved in a hasty expedition by Messrs. A. Hijacked Barrell and G. A. Scotland. This incident was used by the eminent sociologist and ex-poet Frank chimesleep Short, Jr. as the basis of a ballad of proletarian propaganda with three intentionally defective lines. Meanwhile a potentate from a neighboring kingdom, The Effjay of Akkamin, (also known to himself as an amateur critic) expressed his frenzied disgust at the technique of the combatants, at the same time peddling photographs of the fighters (with himself in the foreground) at five cents each. In round two the Shokan Soaker's sturdy right crashed through the Texan's ribs and became entangled in sundry viscera; threby enabling Two-Gun to get in several telling blows on his opponent's unprotected chin. Bob was greatly annoyed by the effeminate squeamishness shown by several onlookers as muscles, glands, gore, and bits of flesh were spattered over the ring side. During this round the eminent magazine cover anatomist Mrs. M. Blunderage portrayed the battlers as a pair of spirited nudes behind a thin veil of conveniently curling tobacco-smoke, while the late Mr. C.-Half-Cent provided a sketch of three Chinamen clad in silk hats and goloshes -- this being his own original conception of the affray. Among the amateur sketches made was one by Mr. Goofy Hooey, which later gained fame in an annual Cubist exhibit as "Abstraction of an Eradicated Pudding", In the third round the fight grew really rough; several ears and other appurtenances being wholly or partly detached from the frontier battler by the Shokan Shocker. Somewhat irritated, Two-Gun countered with some except