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Fanfare, whole no. 10, December 1943
Page 46
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46 finally reached a stage wherein I no longer even tried to resist. In fact, he was so damnably successful, I soon found myself - against all my better instincts that cried out in horror - eager to read! To all of you who may chance to read this, take warning. My story has not yet run its course. If you are faint of heart, if you find yourselves trembling for no reason at all, excepting the fact that a slimy paw just touched your cheek - if you feel queer cold feet dancing on your vertebrae when a black cat crosses your path - drink Welch's Grape Juice. It's good for what ails you. Ask the man who owns one. There! You see! See to what depths I have sunk when I attempt to pass such tripe off as humor.Oh, that I had never seen or heard of that accursed uncle of mine - that I had never been brot into contact with that vampiric, irresistible, loathsome, sublime thing called Stf! Believe me when I say that even the tiniest, the most microscopic dose is fatal. Cocaine - morphine - heorin - marijuana..... Bah!. Even bentlam or thionite are as easy to cure as tobacco or coffee when compared with stf.... Look into any authoritative medical journal - any accepted treatise on rare diseases, little known maladies. Do you find a prescribed cure for Stf? Can you find the veriest mention of it? Ah no, friend. Listen to one who has sot & sot in vain thru the years & into rare & fabled lands - in the highlands where men are not quite apes, & the Thunder forever rumbles. Into the Steppes, where Quixote is still seeking his long lost but still beloved Cockroach. Into the Lowlands, where the dread Dark People perform their terrible ceremonies of the Hi-De-Ho & the Raz-Ma-Taz, & most fearsome of all - Lick Me Brother, I'm a Postage Stamp! To witness this last is to remain a marked man for life. Everywhere I have sot for someone or something to rid me of this insatiable, Satanic hunger for Stf. The fiercer the determination to deny the existence of this craving, all the fiercer grows the desire to not merely indulge, but to wallow in it! At first, after my initial inoculation by the Uncle, he (noting the terrible effect of his effort allowed me
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46 finally reached a stage wherein I no longer even tried to resist. In fact, he was so damnably successful, I soon found myself - against all my better instincts that cried out in horror - eager to read! To all of you who may chance to read this, take warning. My story has not yet run its course. If you are faint of heart, if you find yourselves trembling for no reason at all, excepting the fact that a slimy paw just touched your cheek - if you feel queer cold feet dancing on your vertebrae when a black cat crosses your path - drink Welch's Grape Juice. It's good for what ails you. Ask the man who owns one. There! You see! See to what depths I have sunk when I attempt to pass such tripe off as humor.Oh, that I had never seen or heard of that accursed uncle of mine - that I had never been brot into contact with that vampiric, irresistible, loathsome, sublime thing called Stf! Believe me when I say that even the tiniest, the most microscopic dose is fatal. Cocaine - morphine - heorin - marijuana..... Bah!. Even bentlam or thionite are as easy to cure as tobacco or coffee when compared with stf.... Look into any authoritative medical journal - any accepted treatise on rare diseases, little known maladies. Do you find a prescribed cure for Stf? Can you find the veriest mention of it? Ah no, friend. Listen to one who has sot & sot in vain thru the years & into rare & fabled lands - in the highlands where men are not quite apes, & the Thunder forever rumbles. Into the Steppes, where Quixote is still seeking his long lost but still beloved Cockroach. Into the Lowlands, where the dread Dark People perform their terrible ceremonies of the Hi-De-Ho & the Raz-Ma-Taz, & most fearsome of all - Lick Me Brother, I'm a Postage Stamp! To witness this last is to remain a marked man for life. Everywhere I have sot for someone or something to rid me of this insatiable, Satanic hunger for Stf. The fiercer the determination to deny the existence of this craving, all the fiercer grows the desire to not merely indulge, but to wallow in it! At first, after my initial inoculation by the Uncle, he (noting the terrible effect of his effort allowed me
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