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D'Journal, v. 1, issue 1, January 1939
Page 10
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"RECIPE FOR BECOMING A MODEL FAN" by NAMAHAFA A great many (2 or 3) people have recently wondered how they top can become a STF fan, a Name in the field of haywire horseplay graduates who have adopted this form of fiction as their own. I now propose to tell them how to go about it. First, spend six months in the nearest "Hospital for Mental Rest". This is to develope your conversational abilities and put you in the proper frame of mind. After talking to those about you for a time, it should be relatively simple to converse with fans and discuss the things they are interested in. Indeed, you will be in excellent condidtion to begin your fan activities. Next-make it a point to drink a glass of vinegar at each meal. This is to help develope your critical abilities, and increase your pessimism and churlishness. It should also help rid you of any tendency you have to smile. In fact, I defy you to smile after drinking it. See, you cant do it can you?---Therefore it should be easy for you to write a vitrolic missle to a newsstand mag after that. You will find so many things wrong that you begin to wonder how you ever liked the mag in the first place. Now convince yourself that STF is rotten thru-out; that editors are rimming the fans at 20¢ per month, each; that they arent giving them anything in return but pep-talk editorials to buy more copies. Complain because the mags arent issued weekly, at 3¢ a copy, with gilt edges, chewing gum binding, and a super-epic a-la discussion letters--oh, anything at all. And when the screw-loose indivuals who clutter up STF with them alien (?) ask you to join them, you will be about ready to become a fan-atic and climb on the star-wagon. When you begin to get the urge to trip old ladies, kick cats, and snarl at children, make faces at newsboys, etc., you will know that the course is beginning to take effect. But when you CARRY OUT those impulses, then you are showing that you have the stuff to become a real fan, and a darn good one at that. Now, attach yourself to some rocket ship. We know you cant do it, but think of the esteem your fellow fans will hold you in after you have demonstrated your failure. Or a futile attempt to communicate with the Martians is a very popular way to gain the limelight. Then indeed will the fan world speak your name in awed tones, name their 66th-hand auto's after you. and write long articles and poems to fan magazines praising your god-like being. Is that not a worthy goal? By this time, in your
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"RECIPE FOR BECOMING A MODEL FAN" by NAMAHAFA A great many (2 or 3) people have recently wondered how they top can become a STF fan, a Name in the field of haywire horseplay graduates who have adopted this form of fiction as their own. I now propose to tell them how to go about it. First, spend six months in the nearest "Hospital for Mental Rest". This is to develope your conversational abilities and put you in the proper frame of mind. After talking to those about you for a time, it should be relatively simple to converse with fans and discuss the things they are interested in. Indeed, you will be in excellent condidtion to begin your fan activities. Next-make it a point to drink a glass of vinegar at each meal. This is to help develope your critical abilities, and increase your pessimism and churlishness. It should also help rid you of any tendency you have to smile. In fact, I defy you to smile after drinking it. See, you cant do it can you?---Therefore it should be easy for you to write a vitrolic missle to a newsstand mag after that. You will find so many things wrong that you begin to wonder how you ever liked the mag in the first place. Now convince yourself that STF is rotten thru-out; that editors are rimming the fans at 20¢ per month, each; that they arent giving them anything in return but pep-talk editorials to buy more copies. Complain because the mags arent issued weekly, at 3¢ a copy, with gilt edges, chewing gum binding, and a super-epic a-la discussion letters--oh, anything at all. And when the screw-loose indivuals who clutter up STF with them alien (?) ask you to join them, you will be about ready to become a fan-atic and climb on the star-wagon. When you begin to get the urge to trip old ladies, kick cats, and snarl at children, make faces at newsboys, etc., you will know that the course is beginning to take effect. But when you CARRY OUT those impulses, then you are showing that you have the stuff to become a real fan, and a darn good one at that. Now, attach yourself to some rocket ship. We know you cant do it, but think of the esteem your fellow fans will hold you in after you have demonstrated your failure. Or a futile attempt to communicate with the Martians is a very popular way to gain the limelight. Then indeed will the fan world speak your name in awed tones, name their 66th-hand auto's after you. and write long articles and poems to fan magazines praising your god-like being. Is that not a worthy goal? By this time, in your
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