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Fantasite, v. 2, issue 4, November-December 1942

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8.............................THE FANTASITE

I recently read a review of another Thayer book in [underlined] Leprechaun. The reviewer said that book was "the damndest book" you could ever expect to read. I suggest he read [underlined] this one. Although, for that matter, almost any Thayer book is apt to be the damndest thing you've ever read. Like Thorne Smith he never fails to see the hypocrisy in people and bring it to the surface in a most unflattering, if humorous light.
Briefly, in this tome, Thayer, his wife, and Kind Paros of Greece take over the United States and make Paros Emperor of America and Greece. Thayer's wife divorces Thayer, marries Paros, and becomes Empress. More fun, with a grain of salt and the tongue thrust in the cheek.
Thayer and his wife meet Paros in Paris and become firm friends. They learn that Paros is really heir to the throne of now-republican Greece. Quite naturally there is a plot afoot to restore the throne and Paros. The two Thayers join wholeheartedly and enthusiastically in the plan. Meanwhile, Mrs. Thayer divorces Mr. Thayer and goes on the make for the king-to-be. It develops that he cannot marry her because a Grecian girl has been chosen for him as soon as he mounts the throne. And Thayer refuses to re-marry her. 
On the eve of the revolution Paros and the Thayers go to America so that Paros may study an industrial economy, with a view towards instituting several American ideas and ideas in the New Greece. While here, Thayer has The Great Idea. America, under Herbert Hoover, is a stinking mess. [underlined] But--America under King Paros and his right-hand man Tiffany Thayer would be a helluva swell country to live in! And so it goes.
Thayer lines up the Greeks and Grecian societies in America to do the dirty work, along with the various man-on-the-street organizations, labor unions, criminals, and bowery bums. Comes the revolution, pal, and they will have the run of the country. And so, one day, Washington awakens to find it is surrounded by thousands of strange troops in a new American army uniform! In all large eastcoast [sic] cities Greek warships are lying at anchor flying the American flag--but with their guns trained on the town. A delegation calls on Hoover, acquaints him with the situation and demands that he surrender the United States to King Paros of Greece. (That republic has been overthrown and Paros made King, meanwhile.) Hoover, finding the cards are stacked against him, gives in. Paros announces himself Emperor of America and Greece!
Thayer is appointed Attorney General, among several other cabinet posts. He wants to institute in America the "Age of Reason". Everything unreasonable must go. And he reasons, wisely, that to capture and hold public opinion the new Emperor must get in there and pitch some good ones. Accordingly, he begins laying down new laws to win the support of the people; all laws of course complying with the Age of Reason. And these are his laws: 
He: Repeals a prohibition. 
Clamps a prohibition on books, thus causing them to be bootlegged, thus making all publishers rich, which was the real end in view. 
Legalizes and licenses prostitution, as well as all gambling. 
Places military guard over all races, fights, and wrestling matches to insure honesty in every way. Adopts a thirteen-month calendar. 
Closes all stock exchanges and the passport depts.
Frees all "Tom Mooneys" an questionable prison cases. 
Substitutes condemned prisoners for guinea pigs. 
Gives every adult male the right to commit three murders during his lifetime, without fear of retribution by law. 
Gives every female the right to commit one murder each leap year. 
Forbids all advertising; tears down billboards.
Abolishes Mother's Day and fines the candy & flower industries ten million dollars each for inventing it. 
Declares open season on tap dancers and hoofers; the murder of the same not to count as one of your three "legal" murders. (Continued on page 10)

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8.............................THE FANTASITE I recently read a review of another Thayer book in [underlined] Leprechaun. The reviewer said that book was "the damndest book" you could ever expect to read. I suggest he read [underlined] this one. Although, for that matter, almost any Thayer book is apt to be the damndest thing you've ever read. Like Thorne Smith he never fails to see the hypocrisy in people and bring it to the surface in a most unflattering, if humorous light. Briefly, in this tome, Thayer, his wife, and Kind Paros of Greece take over the United States and make Paros Emperor of America and Greece. Thayer's wife divorces Thayer, marries Paros, and becomes Empress. More fun, with a grain of salt and the tongue thrust in the cheek. Thayer and his wife meet Paros in Paris and become firm friends. They learn that Paros is really heir to the throne of now-republican Greece. Quite naturally there is a plot afoot to restore the throne and Paros. The two Thayers join wholeheartedly and enthusiastically in the plan. Meanwhile, Mrs. Thayer divorces Mr. Thayer and goes on the make for the king-to-be. It develops that he cannot marry her because a Grecian girl has been chosen for him as soon as he mounts the throne. And Thayer refuses to re-marry her. On the eve of the revolution Paros and the Thayers go to America so that Paros may study an industrial economy, with a view towards instituting several American ideas and ideas in the New Greece. While here, Thayer has The Great Idea. America, under Herbert Hoover, is a stinking mess. [underlined] But--America under King Paros and his right-hand man Tiffany Thayer would be a helluva swell country to live in! And so it goes. Thayer lines up the Greeks and Grecian societies in America to do the dirty work, along with the various man-on-the-street organizations, labor unions, criminals, and bowery bums. Comes the revolution, pal, and they will have the run of the country. And so, one day, Washington awakens to find it is surrounded by thousands of strange troops in a new American army uniform! In all large eastcoast [sic] cities Greek warships are lying at anchor flying the American flag--but with their guns trained on the town. A delegation calls on Hoover, acquaints him with the situation and demands that he surrender the United States to King Paros of Greece. (That republic has been overthrown and Paros made King, meanwhile.) Hoover, finding the cards are stacked against him, gives in. Paros announces himself Emperor of America and Greece! Thayer is appointed Attorney General, among several other cabinet posts. He wants to institute in America the "Age of Reason". Everything unreasonable must go. And he reasons, wisely, that to capture and hold public opinion the new Emperor must get in there and pitch some good ones. Accordingly, he begins laying down new laws to win the support of the people; all laws of course complying with the Age of Reason. And these are his laws: He: Repeals a prohibition. Clamps a prohibition on books, thus causing them to be bootlegged, thus making all publishers rich, which was the real end in view. Legalizes and licenses prostitution, as well as all gambling. Places military guard over all races, fights, and wrestling matches to insure honesty in every way. Adopts a thirteen-month calendar. Closes all stock exchanges and the passport depts. Frees all "Tom Mooneys" an questionable prison cases. Substitutes condemned prisoners for guinea pigs. Gives every adult male the right to commit three murders during his lifetime, without fear of retribution by law. Gives every female the right to commit one murder each leap year. Forbids all advertising; tears down billboards. Abolishes Mother's Day and fines the candy & flower industries ten million dollars each for inventing it. Declares open season on tap dancers and hoofers; the murder of the same not to count as one of your three "legal" murders. (Continued on page 10)