DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Spaceways, v. 3, issue 6, whole no. 22, August 1941

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Spaceways, v. 3, issue 6, whole no. 22, August 1941

12             S P A C E W A Y S 
THE INSIGNIFICANT INVASION

The cutting of the wall had sapped its power. Then one of the robots in the second machine raised its own tube, and the right tread of my tractor burst into a brilliant glare! The machine stopped; I crouched inside the wrecked vehicle and rested my atomatic on the edge of the box. I fired twice, and had the satisfaction of seeing the robot with the ray-tube topple out of the rapidly-approaching tractor. Then I waited until the weaponless robot came within thirty feet, and raising my atom-gun, fired. Nothing happened. There were no more pellets. As I fumbled for another clip, the robot reached out his long arms to grasp me. With an instinctive motion, I hurled the empty fun at his head. The glass shattered; the robot crashed to the ground. I stepped from my damaged machine into that of the robot and drove the remaining distance to my spaceship. There I abandoned the tractor and climbed by devious routes into the safety of my control cabin. As I settled myself with a sigh of relief into the cockpit, I saw the Sharbian ship arc suddenly upward into space. Quickly I followed in the Bedbug. 
"Aha aha!" I cried, shaking my fist. "So you think you can escape from the vengeance of Richard Snerg, you misbegotten spawn of an octopus and a plate of spaghetti!" With these words, I aimed and fired with my central vortex gun. Swiftly as though the ether-borne beam lashed out to its destination, and as swiftly a coruscating, fiercely-brilliant screen of impalpable force sprang up about the Sharbian ship. But need I go on? Suffice it to say that waves, bands and streamers of every conceivable kind of deadly force shattered and recoiled before the firmly held screen of the Sharbians; that material projectiles were turned harmlessly aside or exploded in mid-space; that heat-rays, ultra-violet rays, cosmic rays, and death rays failed to pass the Sharbian screen; in short, the usual things happened, and I was temporarily baffled. But only temporarily! The agile brain of the Pooksniffle Snergs came to my rescure, and, turning on more power, I quickly switched over from the rockets to the gravodynes, and from the gravodynes to the photopulsors. At once the Bedbug of Space began to draw ahead of the ship of Sharb. Faster, over faster went the Bedbug, and soon the Sharbian ship was left far behind. 
For five long weeks I hurtled back through the void, working like mad to force more, and yet more speed out of the straining converters. At last the familiar face of the Sun came in sight. trembling in every fibre with patriotism and hay-fever, I spiraled down for a landing; and came safely to rest on the broad bosom of the Pacific, where a coast guard cutter picked me up and towed the Bedbug in. 
Then began days of feverish activity. After a hurried consultation with the President in which I was able to convince that great man of the horrible danger which threatened our beloved earth, I dashed at once into hasty plans for defense. Within a few days, I was able to supervise the emplacement of huge vortex guns at strategic points all over the world. Then, there was nothing to do but wait. 
I shall not attempt to picture to you the tenseness of the world's population as, nerves strained to the breaking point, we waited by our guns for the Alien Invaders. During the next week two dirigibles, several cumulus clouds and a sea-gull were brought down by mistake, at tremendous expense to the government. But still the Invaders did not come!
The excitement was intense. All over the globe, panic-stricken crowds besieged government buildings and privies, shouted, "Why don't they come?" Those in power were at a loss. For a time the Glooberian council even contemplated dispatching an expedition to find and bring back a substitute set of invaders, as an emergency measure. This, however, was finally voted down. 
... Much has happened since those days. Mars and Venus have been colonized, observatories built on the Moon, interstellar expeditions launched; but the invaders from Sharb have never shown up. Few, nowadays, believe that they ever existed; only I; I, Richard Pooksniffle Snerg, I believe! In fact, I believe you're one! Get away from me, you son of a telephone switchboard! Get away, I say! Aahahahahahahahahaha!!!

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12 S P A C E W A Y S THE INSIGNIFICANT INVASION The cutting of the wall had sapped its power. Then one of the robots in the second machine raised its own tube, and the right tread of my tractor burst into a brilliant glare! The machine stopped; I crouched inside the wrecked vehicle and rested my atomatic on the edge of the box. I fired twice, and had the satisfaction of seeing the robot with the ray-tube topple out of the rapidly-approaching tractor. Then I waited until the weaponless robot came within thirty feet, and raising my atom-gun, fired. Nothing happened. There were no more pellets. As I fumbled for another clip, the robot reached out his long arms to grasp me. With an instinctive motion, I hurled the empty fun at his head. The glass shattered; the robot crashed to the ground. I stepped from my damaged machine into that of the robot and drove the remaining distance to my spaceship. There I abandoned the tractor and climbed by devious routes into the safety of my control cabin. As I settled myself with a sigh of relief into the cockpit, I saw the Sharbian ship arc suddenly upward into space. Quickly I followed in the Bedbug. "Aha aha!" I cried, shaking my fist. "So you think you can escape from the vengeance of Richard Snerg, you misbegotten spawn of an octopus and a plate of spaghetti!" With these words, I aimed and fired with my central vortex gun. Swiftly as though the ether-borne beam lashed out to its destination, and as swiftly a coruscating, fiercely-brilliant screen of impalpable force sprang up about the Sharbian ship. But need I go on? Suffice it to say that waves, bands and streamers of every conceivable kind of deadly force shattered and recoiled before the firmly held screen of the Sharbians; that material projectiles were turned harmlessly aside or exploded in mid-space; that heat-rays, ultra-violet rays, cosmic rays, and death rays failed to pass the Sharbian screen; in short, the usual things happened, and I was temporarily baffled. But only temporarily! The agile brain of the Pooksniffle Snergs came to my rescure, and, turning on more power, I quickly switched over from the rockets to the gravodynes, and from the gravodynes to the photopulsors. At once the Bedbug of Space began to draw ahead of the ship of Sharb. Faster, over faster went the Bedbug, and soon the Sharbian ship was left far behind. For five long weeks I hurtled back through the void, working like mad to force more, and yet more speed out of the straining converters. At last the familiar face of the Sun came in sight. trembling in every fibre with patriotism and hay-fever, I spiraled down for a landing; and came safely to rest on the broad bosom of the Pacific, where a coast guard cutter picked me up and towed the Bedbug in. Then began days of feverish activity. After a hurried consultation with the President in which I was able to convince that great man of the horrible danger which threatened our beloved earth, I dashed at once into hasty plans for defense. Within a few days, I was able to supervise the emplacement of huge vortex guns at strategic points all over the world. Then, there was nothing to do but wait. I shall not attempt to picture to you the tenseness of the world's population as, nerves strained to the breaking point, we waited by our guns for the Alien Invaders. During the next week two dirigibles, several cumulus clouds and a sea-gull were brought down by mistake, at tremendous expense to the government. But still the Invaders did not come! The excitement was intense. All over the globe, panic-stricken crowds besieged government buildings and privies, shouted, "Why don't they come?" Those in power were at a loss. For a time the Glooberian council even contemplated dispatching an expedition to find and bring back a substitute set of invaders, as an emergency measure. This, however, was finally voted down. ... Much has happened since those days. Mars and Venus have been colonized, observatories built on the Moon, interstellar expeditions launched; but the invaders from Sharb have never shown up. Few, nowadays, believe that they ever existed; only I; I, Richard Pooksniffle Snerg, I believe! In fact, I believe you're one! Get away from me, you son of a telephone switchboard! Get away, I say! Aahahahahahahahahaha!!!