DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Infinite, v. 1, issue 1, [1941?]

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Infinite, v. 1, issue 1, [1941?]

Page 16

         Two years after Captain Creature was born, the landlord came to the sun and, angry because he could not collect the three year's rent, shot Captain Creature's parents. When Captain Creature reached the age of twenty one and the Eye told him of the unfortunate occurence, he swore.
        When he was older, Captain Creature realized what a horrible thing the murder of his parents had been, and he vowed to avenge their deaths by wiping out crime. He went to the president of the Solar Federantion and offered his services.
        "Whenever you need me," he said, "put a candle in the window!"
         So when the arch villain, Count yer Cash, threatened to blow up the moon, the president put a candle in the window. Unfortunately, the Captain had neglected to tell the president that the candle should be lighted, so the 6ount blew the moon to bits.
        However, Captain Creature soon remedied the situation. He hung a large electric light bulb in the sky (What did he hang it on? How should I know? Stop asking such silly questions!)
       The captain was awakened from his reverie by Blotto, who was weeping over the battered Slag.
       "Poor Slag!" blubbored the fungoid, "My best pal"
        "Oh stop it!" growled Captain Creature, "You're getting my feet wet!" And, indeed, the fungoids tears had formed a large pudole two inches deep.
        Blotto turned baseching eyes on Captain Creature. "Please," he wheezed, "Please  fix poor Slag!"
"Oh, very well," growled the Captain. He picked up a roll of scotch tape and some baling wire and set to work.
         After several hours of terrific labor, he finally finished the difficult job. Picking up a crank from his work bench, he wound up the robot's motor and stepped back to admire his work.
        "Better than new," he growled.
        "You ain't kiddin'," grated the Eye.
         After swaying back and forth for a few minutes, Slag took two steps forward and tripped over the Eye again! Pieces flew all over the laboratory.
        " (censored) ," screamed Captain Creature.
         Glaring at the Eye, he growled accusingly, "It's all your fault! Why do you always have to lie there on the floor?"
        "He wouldn't feel natural in any other position!" wheezed Blotto sarcastically.
         Ignoring their remarks, the Eye rolled to the window (he was mounted on roller skates so that he could move)
         "Look!" he grated excitedly, "The candle is burning!"
         Upon hearing his cry, Captain Creature and Blotto rushed madly to the window. Sure enough, the lighted candle was showing up clearly.
        "Whee!" shouted the Captain, "Action!"
         "Slag! Haul out the Vomit!"
         "Don't you remember?" Blotto wheezed in his ear, "Slage is broken!"
         "Oh dear!" wailed the Captain, "This will never do! Only Slag can haul out the Vomit." So, with a despairing sigh, he picked up another roll of scoth tape, found some more baling wire, and started to fix Slag again so that the robot could haul out the Vomit.
        The Vomit, you know, was Captain Creatures marvellous space ship, which he had
                                   (cont. on next page)

Saving...

Two years after Captain Creature was born, the landlord came to the sun and, angry because he could not collect the three year's rent, shot Captain Creature's parents. When Captain Creature reached the age of twenty one and the Eye told him of the unfortunate occurence, he swore. When he was older, Captain Creature realized what a horrible thing the murder of his parents had been, and he vowed to avenge their deaths by wiping out crime. He went to the president of the Solar Federantion and offered his services. "Whenever you need me," he said, "put a candle in the window!" So when the arch villain, Count yer Cash, threatened to blow up the moon, the president put a candle in the window. Unfortunately, the Captain had neglected to tell the president that the candle should be lighted, so the 6ount blew the moon to bits. However, Captain Creature soon remedied the situation. He hung a large electric light bulb in the sky (What did he hang it on? How should I know? Stop asking such silly questions!) The captain was awakened from his reverie by Blotto, who was weeping over the battered Slag. "Poor Slag!" blubbored the fungoid, "My best pal" "Oh stop it!" growled Captain Creature, "You're getting my feet wet!" And, indeed, the fungoids tears had formed a large pudole two inches deep. Blotto turned baseching eyes on Captain Creature. "Please," he wheezed, "Please fix poor Slag!" "Oh, very well," growled the Captain. He picked up a roll of scotch tape and some baling wire and set to work. After several hours of terrific labor, he finally finished the difficult job. Picking up a crank from his work bench, he wound up the robot's motor and stepped back to admire his work. "Better than new," he growled. "You ain't kiddin'," grated the Eye. After swaying back and forth for a few minutes, Slag took two steps forward and tripped over the Eye again! Pieces flew all over the laboratory. " (censored) ," screamed Captain Creature. Glaring at the Eye, he growled accusingly, "It's all your fault! Why do you always have to lie there on the floor?" "He wouldn't feel natural in any other position!" wheezed Blotto sarcastically. Ignoring their remarks, the Eye rolled to the window (he was mounted on roller skates so that he could move) "Look!" he grated excitedly, "The candle is burning!" Upon hearing his cry, Captain Creature and Blotto rushed madly to the window. Sure enough, the lighted candle was showing up clearly. "Whee!" shouted the Captain, "Action!" "Slag! Haul out the Vomit!" "Don't you remember?" Blotto wheezed in his ear, "Slage is broken!" "Oh dear!" wailed the Captain, "This will never do! Only Slag can haul out the Vomit." So, with a despairing sigh, he picked up another roll of scoth tape, found some more baling wire, and started to fix Slag again so that the robot could haul out the Vomit. The Vomit, you know, was Captain Creatures marvellous space ship, which he had (cont. on next page)