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Fantasy Fiction Telegram, v. 1, issue 3, December 1936
Page 9
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FANTASY FICTION TELEGRAM an author armed with a death-dealing pneumatic hash-slinger. Wilma: Cluck, Cluck, Cluck! My disintegrator wont work! Cluck: Well you don't have to go cackling like a hen. Shh! He is speaking to us. Authorian is a very difficult language, but I have made an intense study of it, and may be able to understand him. Author: Dad-da! Cluck: Ah, I know him. He's Klivdon P. Cruz. Author: [U]! Whare ye gaun? Hoo daur ye ye [ita'?] a goo' [gim'?] 'f kopz 'n robers. Wilma: It's all Esperanto to me. Dr. Huer: Cluck, there's something familiar about that voice. Author (his voice suddenly changing to a drawn-out diabolic sneer): Heh, heh! Yes, there is something familiar about it. Heh, heh! Don't you recognize your old friend, KILLER COHEN??!! (General gasping) Cluck (recovering first): Killer Cohen, here in Astounding, in the guise of an author! Why I thought we left you on Saturn. Killer Cohen: Well you know what they say, "Get thee behind me, Saturn." Wilma: Some joke! Stick to your sneering, Frankenstein. Killer Cohen: I'll teach you to keep a civil tongue in your head, me proud beauty. (Audibly twitching his mustache) Heh, heh, heh! Show me a pass or I'll make you all read "Finality Unlimited." Dr. Huer: B-b-b-b-by--- Killer Cohen: Quiet! Who do you think you are? Bing Crosby? Dr. Huer: (affably): No. I'm Dr. Huer. You can call me Huey for short, but not for long. (Aside to Cluck) How's that, Cluck? Cluck: !!!!**??$$%%##**???!!! Killer Cohen: Well, where's the pass? Heh, heh! Cluck (in a low voice to Wilma): Quick, (Page 9)
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FANTASY FICTION TELEGRAM an author armed with a death-dealing pneumatic hash-slinger. Wilma: Cluck, Cluck, Cluck! My disintegrator wont work! Cluck: Well you don't have to go cackling like a hen. Shh! He is speaking to us. Authorian is a very difficult language, but I have made an intense study of it, and may be able to understand him. Author: Dad-da! Cluck: Ah, I know him. He's Klivdon P. Cruz. Author: [U]! Whare ye gaun? Hoo daur ye ye [ita'?] a goo' [gim'?] 'f kopz 'n robers. Wilma: It's all Esperanto to me. Dr. Huer: Cluck, there's something familiar about that voice. Author (his voice suddenly changing to a drawn-out diabolic sneer): Heh, heh! Yes, there is something familiar about it. Heh, heh! Don't you recognize your old friend, KILLER COHEN??!! (General gasping) Cluck (recovering first): Killer Cohen, here in Astounding, in the guise of an author! Why I thought we left you on Saturn. Killer Cohen: Well you know what they say, "Get thee behind me, Saturn." Wilma: Some joke! Stick to your sneering, Frankenstein. Killer Cohen: I'll teach you to keep a civil tongue in your head, me proud beauty. (Audibly twitching his mustache) Heh, heh, heh! Show me a pass or I'll make you all read "Finality Unlimited." Dr. Huer: B-b-b-b-by--- Killer Cohen: Quiet! Who do you think you are? Bing Crosby? Dr. Huer: (affably): No. I'm Dr. Huer. You can call me Huey for short, but not for long. (Aside to Cluck) How's that, Cluck? Cluck: !!!!**??$$%%##**???!!! Killer Cohen: Well, where's the pass? Heh, heh! Cluck (in a low voice to Wilma): Quick, (Page 9)
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