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Eve Drewelowe's journals, volumes II-III, 1950s
Page 192
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multitudinous activities and above all was able to stretch far enough to reach all the way around, ordinarily all went moderately smoothly without too much and too apparent staggering. The elasticity had to resist much abuse and did so without under demur. Amazingly the nervous energy and vitality could be made to cover far beyond the breaking point to the average person and yet include so much of everything. Astonishingly too there remained a spring that permitted recovery up to a certain point without too much effort, after the stress had been removed. Nevertheless there were intervals of alarming protest and a clamorous dissatisfaction began to be registered in the intestinal couch. At first this occurred only occasionally - it is true - then the rumble expressed more loudly, more boldly, more unrelentingly, and finally most persistently and deafeningly. Until now - when it is almost too late for recovery - most of the rebounding vitality has been lost. And I am informed that it will take multiple four years - from four to a hundred and four, if ever - to literally get back on my feet again and get back the necessary spring and lilt. Numerous years have been employed into pushing me into this plight I now find myself, and it can best take as long to pull me out and properly regulated again. But then after a point of comfort may have been reached - a hoped for quiesence - how about being able to maintain that which shall have been won only at a great sacrifice of time and a ceaseless struggle against complete submergence? Is it likely that there may be further like experiences? Shall the organism be crushed again and yet again in what may be termed the game of life? I think not because I have the determination that there shall be no more opportunity for repetition. I shall no longer expose my soul to being marionetted by merciless vultures. Furthermore from now on I fully intent to live as I need to live and as I want to live. Paint as I desire
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multitudinous activities and above all was able to stretch far enough to reach all the way around, ordinarily all went moderately smoothly without too much and too apparent staggering. The elasticity had to resist much abuse and did so without under demur. Amazingly the nervous energy and vitality could be made to cover far beyond the breaking point to the average person and yet include so much of everything. Astonishingly too there remained a spring that permitted recovery up to a certain point without too much effort, after the stress had been removed. Nevertheless there were intervals of alarming protest and a clamorous dissatisfaction began to be registered in the intestinal couch. At first this occurred only occasionally - it is true - then the rumble expressed more loudly, more boldly, more unrelentingly, and finally most persistently and deafeningly. Until now - when it is almost too late for recovery - most of the rebounding vitality has been lost. And I am informed that it will take multiple four years - from four to a hundred and four, if ever - to literally get back on my feet again and get back the necessary spring and lilt. Numerous years have been employed into pushing me into this plight I now find myself, and it can best take as long to pull me out and properly regulated again. But then after a point of comfort may have been reached - a hoped for quiesence - how about being able to maintain that which shall have been won only at a great sacrifice of time and a ceaseless struggle against complete submergence? Is it likely that there may be further like experiences? Shall the organism be crushed again and yet again in what may be termed the game of life? I think not because I have the determination that there shall be no more opportunity for repetition. I shall no longer expose my soul to being marionetted by merciless vultures. Furthermore from now on I fully intent to live as I need to live and as I want to live. Paint as I desire
Iowa Women’s Lives: Letters and Diaries
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