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Variant, v. 1, issue 2, whole no. 2, May 1947
Page 3
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May 1947 VARIANT Page 3 It was my intention to offer this fossil to the club with a descriptive card in lieu of elucidation; but fellow clubmen counselled "Our friends will recognize its beauty without being able to evaluate its importance... It is," they insisted, "like the accolade of the Golden Fleece or that of The Garter, -- either would fall as flat as hell if a guy didn't know in advance what was happening to him." So you must blame them for this discourse. Perhaps we might unveil the object at this time, and then explain it. May I suggest that any questions which may occur to you as we continue, probably are answered in the intertwined thread of data and labyrinth of speculation which is to follow; that these notes contain all known to me about the Narcissiclinch - all that is to say, which is fit for publication. If there are questions, they might be saved for the question period, when I shall entreat the aid of our scientific brothers for such information as may be beyond my own rather shabby ken. This is a dorsal molar (complete with a fragment of nerve) of the Duo-finned Narcissiclinch (Vodka Zoubrovka Homo Ego Pedicatio) which is rare even in chipped state. (The present specimen is possibly unique, being two inches longer than the molar lost by Professor Natsurium during his short stay at 12 Rue Chabanais, in Paris, in 1917. Dou-finned Narcissiclinch, which is not to be confused with the Cyde Saddle Snek, was indiginous to the lava-laden beaches of the creosote Sea, within the innermost reaches of Ave Atque Valley - eight pink gins out from Tryde-Merk on Lybel. Our only literary record of the species is a clear one: it is carved, as though by a whimsical surgeon, whose anasthesia perhaps outlasted his trepan, on the skull of a Quiltdown man named Hematite. This name Hematite has been translated to mean There-goes He's-drunk! It may be consulted at the museum Danzig-Goldwasser, lower stack, specimen 594732C. Be careful to specify C or you may get a carpet slipper once the property of Jack the Ripper. Duo-finned Narcissiclinch, this skull writing states, would slither up out of the dark waters of The Creosote Sea when the sun was high. Observing its shadow on the beach, Duo-finned Narcissiclinch would approach this shadow gingerly, murmuring soothing and presumably seductive words; the shadow the while retreating. Such love play, the skull writing declares, would continue until late afternoon, when Duo-Finned Narcissiclinch would leap upon its shadow and hold it clasped firmly. That night Duo-finned Narcissiclinch did not slip again into the dark sea which yearned for it; but, its shadow having departed at dusk, our creature slept alone, unmindful of the cold snow which fell nightly in that territory. At dawn Narci would wake, lay eggs numbering three, [[top illustration text]] AVE ATQUE VALLEY "Come with me to Ave Atque Valley..." [[end top illustration text]] [[bottom illustration text]] J. RIPPER REX 594732 C
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May 1947 VARIANT Page 3 It was my intention to offer this fossil to the club with a descriptive card in lieu of elucidation; but fellow clubmen counselled "Our friends will recognize its beauty without being able to evaluate its importance... It is," they insisted, "like the accolade of the Golden Fleece or that of The Garter, -- either would fall as flat as hell if a guy didn't know in advance what was happening to him." So you must blame them for this discourse. Perhaps we might unveil the object at this time, and then explain it. May I suggest that any questions which may occur to you as we continue, probably are answered in the intertwined thread of data and labyrinth of speculation which is to follow; that these notes contain all known to me about the Narcissiclinch - all that is to say, which is fit for publication. If there are questions, they might be saved for the question period, when I shall entreat the aid of our scientific brothers for such information as may be beyond my own rather shabby ken. This is a dorsal molar (complete with a fragment of nerve) of the Duo-finned Narcissiclinch (Vodka Zoubrovka Homo Ego Pedicatio) which is rare even in chipped state. (The present specimen is possibly unique, being two inches longer than the molar lost by Professor Natsurium during his short stay at 12 Rue Chabanais, in Paris, in 1917. Dou-finned Narcissiclinch, which is not to be confused with the Cyde Saddle Snek, was indiginous to the lava-laden beaches of the creosote Sea, within the innermost reaches of Ave Atque Valley - eight pink gins out from Tryde-Merk on Lybel. Our only literary record of the species is a clear one: it is carved, as though by a whimsical surgeon, whose anasthesia perhaps outlasted his trepan, on the skull of a Quiltdown man named Hematite. This name Hematite has been translated to mean There-goes He's-drunk! It may be consulted at the museum Danzig-Goldwasser, lower stack, specimen 594732C. Be careful to specify C or you may get a carpet slipper once the property of Jack the Ripper. Duo-finned Narcissiclinch, this skull writing states, would slither up out of the dark waters of The Creosote Sea when the sun was high. Observing its shadow on the beach, Duo-finned Narcissiclinch would approach this shadow gingerly, murmuring soothing and presumably seductive words; the shadow the while retreating. Such love play, the skull writing declares, would continue until late afternoon, when Duo-Finned Narcissiclinch would leap upon its shadow and hold it clasped firmly. That night Duo-finned Narcissiclinch did not slip again into the dark sea which yearned for it; but, its shadow having departed at dusk, our creature slept alone, unmindful of the cold snow which fell nightly in that territory. At dawn Narci would wake, lay eggs numbering three, [[top illustration text]] AVE ATQUE VALLEY "Come with me to Ave Atque Valley..." [[end top illustration text]] [[bottom illustration text]] J. RIPPER REX 594732 C
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