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Vulcan, whole no. 5, January 1944
Page 7
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The Venusian Garden Mystery THE VULCAN Page 7 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- supply me with diversion. After he had signed the ten-year contract, I found that he couldn't write anything by Armenian. I get some rather interesting fan mail now. It just pours in. I wish I could read Armenian. Joe-Jack illustrates.....he does that in Armenian too.He gets some rather interesting fan mail. He likes to eat it with chili suace and chocolate cream puffs. He claims it prevents indegestion. But I digess. On that particular night, I was working on some of my notes, when the audio-visor began to buzz. Joe-Jack crawled to the table, picked up the audio, and murmered softly, "Hephrzptlktmnrllkooo..." Joe-Jack talks like that sometimes. It's one of his little peculiarities.. He tries to talk, both of him at once, and it's rather confusing at times. Sometimes he does it in Armenian. I can't understand him then, either. Philosophically, Joe-Jack extricated a double headed coin from my pocked, flipped and dropped it into his collective wallet, and pulled himself back to the audio. Jack answered. Jack always picks heads when he flips. He informed me that it was Snodgrass Hewlingate, the wealty plantation owner of Venus who had called. Snoddy wanted me to investigate some strange going-ons at his mansion. Some ghosts had scared hell out of him and killed a couple of his friends. He wanted me to show myself on the plantation and scare hell out of the ghosts. Heh-heh, good old Hewlingate, always the clown...heh-heh. But Snodgrass is filthy with lucre, so I leaped into my space-suit, dragged out the space-ship, and rolled Joe-Jack into it. Joe-Jack laughed through the asteroid belt, hitting only six asteroid, an all-time low. We tried to talk him into flying over the belt, but he claims it's more fun this way. [Illustration: Two men facing away from each other, facing left in a suit, smoking a pipe, and holding paper, facing right an eggheaded scientist type holding something hard to make out] We got to Venus eventually, and after swimming about half an hour toward the swamps, we arrived at Snodgrass' mansion. And anderoid butler let us in with a few words of greeting, and ushered us into the presence of Snodgrass Hewlingate. Suddenly Joe-Jack cried out, "I have it!" Only it sounded a little difference, sinse both of them cried out at once. They pilfered another coin from me, and tossed it. This coin was honest, and Joe won the toss, and, consequencely, I heard him speak for the first time. "Missuter Hewligate," he said a little nervously, "we have ge-solved our caseet for you." Hewlingate was flabbergasted and stuff. "Tell me more, pray," he mustered, his [jowls?] glapping wildly. "Your butler dood it!" declared Joe, delivering with these words, a stout kick to the butler's back mid-section, whereupon the butler [r]eiterated, "Get the hell away from me, you horrid person!" "You see? He's not an anduloid, even. He is a human beeng. He is the one which has bee manufactulating these ghosts that have been scared hell out of oy you. He has been blackmailing your daughter and after you die, she will get your dough, which from her he will get by devious means." Snodgrass nodded sagely and forked over a couple million credits [to] Joe-Jack in payment for his services. (CONTINUED ON PAGE 13)
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The Venusian Garden Mystery THE VULCAN Page 7 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- supply me with diversion. After he had signed the ten-year contract, I found that he couldn't write anything by Armenian. I get some rather interesting fan mail now. It just pours in. I wish I could read Armenian. Joe-Jack illustrates.....he does that in Armenian too.He gets some rather interesting fan mail. He likes to eat it with chili suace and chocolate cream puffs. He claims it prevents indegestion. But I digess. On that particular night, I was working on some of my notes, when the audio-visor began to buzz. Joe-Jack crawled to the table, picked up the audio, and murmered softly, "Hephrzptlktmnrllkooo..." Joe-Jack talks like that sometimes. It's one of his little peculiarities.. He tries to talk, both of him at once, and it's rather confusing at times. Sometimes he does it in Armenian. I can't understand him then, either. Philosophically, Joe-Jack extricated a double headed coin from my pocked, flipped and dropped it into his collective wallet, and pulled himself back to the audio. Jack answered. Jack always picks heads when he flips. He informed me that it was Snodgrass Hewlingate, the wealty plantation owner of Venus who had called. Snoddy wanted me to investigate some strange going-ons at his mansion. Some ghosts had scared hell out of him and killed a couple of his friends. He wanted me to show myself on the plantation and scare hell out of the ghosts. Heh-heh, good old Hewlingate, always the clown...heh-heh. But Snodgrass is filthy with lucre, so I leaped into my space-suit, dragged out the space-ship, and rolled Joe-Jack into it. Joe-Jack laughed through the asteroid belt, hitting only six asteroid, an all-time low. We tried to talk him into flying over the belt, but he claims it's more fun this way. [Illustration: Two men facing away from each other, facing left in a suit, smoking a pipe, and holding paper, facing right an eggheaded scientist type holding something hard to make out] We got to Venus eventually, and after swimming about half an hour toward the swamps, we arrived at Snodgrass' mansion. And anderoid butler let us in with a few words of greeting, and ushered us into the presence of Snodgrass Hewlingate. Suddenly Joe-Jack cried out, "I have it!" Only it sounded a little difference, sinse both of them cried out at once. They pilfered another coin from me, and tossed it. This coin was honest, and Joe won the toss, and, consequencely, I heard him speak for the first time. "Missuter Hewligate," he said a little nervously, "we have ge-solved our caseet for you." Hewlingate was flabbergasted and stuff. "Tell me more, pray," he mustered, his [jowls?] glapping wildly. "Your butler dood it!" declared Joe, delivering with these words, a stout kick to the butler's back mid-section, whereupon the butler [r]eiterated, "Get the hell away from me, you horrid person!" "You see? He's not an anduloid, even. He is a human beeng. He is the one which has bee manufactulating these ghosts that have been scared hell out of oy you. He has been blackmailing your daughter and after you die, she will get your dough, which from her he will get by devious means." Snodgrass nodded sagely and forked over a couple million credits [to] Joe-Jack in payment for his services. (CONTINUED ON PAGE 13)
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