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The Thing, whole no. 2, Summer 1946
Page 17
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Well, sir, that's the story. And that's how it happens that a former curator of this museum and a very beautiful woman are among our prize exhibits. We keep them here in the new workshop, of course, and only show them to connoisseurs, such as you. Would you like to see them? They're in the standing mummy cases, over there int he corner, and they'll remain until about 2026 AD,when Michael Marsden should be ready to resume his old job here. There! Aren't they a handsome couple? One thing about suspended animation is that the hair seems to keep right on growing for a while. And do you know, I never suspected for a moment that Joan bleached and dyed her hair? Yes, that's Joan. I wasn't going to let her double-cross me again. When she straightened up for dealing with Marsden, I simply jabbed her with the needle and pressed the plunger home. Makara? Yes, of course she came back to me and I was able to finish my monograph, but she only stayed for a month or two. The last I heard of her, she'd married a Brooklyn subway contractor named William T. Phillips and had a child named Aloysius Tutankhamen Phillips. I'm afraid those ancient women weren't very dependable. Why coeditresses leave home... Tokyo-wan Amateur Printers Club 22 April 1946 Our Darling Helen: This communication is being written by the TWAPC Chapter of Helen's Boyfriends, Inc. This is by way of an orientation. Your recent letter to Sheldon C. Wesson, vice president of the organization, leads us to believe that you don't know what you are up against when you come to Japan. Please note: 1. We know that you are a good sport and will cheerily adapt yourself to the ways of the country. We both are looking forward with a great deal of pleasure to the first trip you take with US to a Japanese hot-spring resort. It is the custom at such places for men and women to bathe together in one large pool. By "bathe" we do not mean bathing-suit bathing, but the kind to which your mother subjected you when you were just a little younger.(Do not tell your mother about this,incidentally.SW) There is a good deal to be said for this custom. For there is no better way to get to know your fellow man and woman. As you will discover, after your first or second such adventure in our company, this Japanese custom (and Crane is grinning like an ass as he dictates this sentence SW) is much less embarrassing than you would imagine. We at least have found it so. In fact, when you go with us to our favorite resort in Hakone,at the start you will be the only embarrassed person among the twenty or thirty regular patrons with whom we are acquainted. (Most of them are not the giggly kind you would imagine.) After an hour or so of soaping yourself and soaking in the taken you will find your expected embarrassment vanished with the flowers of spring--and you will be a cleaner individual, physically and mentally. (Mentally? This would be too bad.BC) (I disclaim all responsibility for the foregoing.SW) ((In fact, he disapproves.HW)) 2. Your experiences at the many sukiyaki dinners to which you will invited as the wife of a SCAP official ( Wesson insists that this be underlined BC)may be somewhat more embarrassing than this mixed bathing proposition. For purposes of modesty,you are hereby enjoined to bring large numbers of long,wooly panties, the kind that can be mistaken, even at close range, for ski pants. Otherwise, you can hardly be expected to sit cross-legged on the floor with a free mind.Besides, we don't want the Japanese who may be sitting vis-a-vis to starve to death. (At
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Well, sir, that's the story. And that's how it happens that a former curator of this museum and a very beautiful woman are among our prize exhibits. We keep them here in the new workshop, of course, and only show them to connoisseurs, such as you. Would you like to see them? They're in the standing mummy cases, over there int he corner, and they'll remain until about 2026 AD,when Michael Marsden should be ready to resume his old job here. There! Aren't they a handsome couple? One thing about suspended animation is that the hair seems to keep right on growing for a while. And do you know, I never suspected for a moment that Joan bleached and dyed her hair? Yes, that's Joan. I wasn't going to let her double-cross me again. When she straightened up for dealing with Marsden, I simply jabbed her with the needle and pressed the plunger home. Makara? Yes, of course she came back to me and I was able to finish my monograph, but she only stayed for a month or two. The last I heard of her, she'd married a Brooklyn subway contractor named William T. Phillips and had a child named Aloysius Tutankhamen Phillips. I'm afraid those ancient women weren't very dependable. Why coeditresses leave home... Tokyo-wan Amateur Printers Club 22 April 1946 Our Darling Helen: This communication is being written by the TWAPC Chapter of Helen's Boyfriends, Inc. This is by way of an orientation. Your recent letter to Sheldon C. Wesson, vice president of the organization, leads us to believe that you don't know what you are up against when you come to Japan. Please note: 1. We know that you are a good sport and will cheerily adapt yourself to the ways of the country. We both are looking forward with a great deal of pleasure to the first trip you take with US to a Japanese hot-spring resort. It is the custom at such places for men and women to bathe together in one large pool. By "bathe" we do not mean bathing-suit bathing, but the kind to which your mother subjected you when you were just a little younger.(Do not tell your mother about this,incidentally.SW) There is a good deal to be said for this custom. For there is no better way to get to know your fellow man and woman. As you will discover, after your first or second such adventure in our company, this Japanese custom (and Crane is grinning like an ass as he dictates this sentence SW) is much less embarrassing than you would imagine. We at least have found it so. In fact, when you go with us to our favorite resort in Hakone,at the start you will be the only embarrassed person among the twenty or thirty regular patrons with whom we are acquainted. (Most of them are not the giggly kind you would imagine.) After an hour or so of soaping yourself and soaking in the taken you will find your expected embarrassment vanished with the flowers of spring--and you will be a cleaner individual, physically and mentally. (Mentally? This would be too bad.BC) (I disclaim all responsibility for the foregoing.SW) ((In fact, he disapproves.HW)) 2. Your experiences at the many sukiyaki dinners to which you will invited as the wife of a SCAP official ( Wesson insists that this be underlined BC)may be somewhat more embarrassing than this mixed bathing proposition. For purposes of modesty,you are hereby enjoined to bring large numbers of long,wooly panties, the kind that can be mistaken, even at close range, for ski pants. Otherwise, you can hardly be expected to sit cross-legged on the floor with a free mind.Besides, we don't want the Japanese who may be sitting vis-a-vis to starve to death. (At
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