DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Spacewarp, v. 5, issue 4, whole no. 28, July 1949

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Spacewarp, v. 5, issue 4, whole no. 28, July 1949

Page 14

"Let us be the first to conquer space!" She threw that shattering sentence at me, and I was properly shattered. Like an outdated atom bomb exploding in some radioactive lagoon.

"If Einstein, Eisenhower, Truman, Landon and other great brains can't conquer space -- how can I, a mere genius, hope to?"

"I'm not referring to you," Betty remarks. "I refer to Professor Ignu P. Ropeneck." (O.K., so I shoulda introduced a major character earlier. So I didn't know until now that he would be a major character. So he might not even be a major character. Not even a first lieutenant character. WC)

To get back to the story Conner so rudely interrupted, I inquired, "Just who is this major character --now he's got me doing it!-- this Professor Nooseneck?"

"Not Nooseneck!" sez Betty. "Ropeneck."

"Ropeneck?" I sez, "That's Noose to me."

"I'll go outside and bring him in," Betty tells me.

"You might as well," I acquiesed. When you're around Betty, acquiessing is all you can jolly well do. In print, that is. What you can do out of print would be another story -- and a lot more interesting one at that!

Betty opened the door. A hungry looking man with his hands tied behind him came in. I liked him immediately. I knew why those hands were tied. After all, around a gal like Betty, wouldn't you?"

"This is Professor Ropeneck," sez Betty.

"No sez the Prof. "Not Ropeneck. Stringneck."

"Not Nooseneck?" I asks.

"No." he sez.

"Glad to hear it," I sez. "No Noose is good Noose."

"Who's this?" sez the Prof to Betty. "That's Longhammer," Betty tells him.

"Glad to make you," I said to the Prof.

"Likewise," sez he, shifting his gum from cheek to cheek. "What's new in the rocket racket?" I inquired.

"It's in da bag," sez the Prof, pulling a paper sack out of his pocket. "Here's da whole t'ing in a nutshell."

And it was. A pecan shell, to be specific. Why anyone should build a rocket inside a pecan is beyond me, but you know these Professor guys. Some of them are sort of eccentric. This one was more than that. He was completely bats.

"Dat," sez the professor, "is a overdrive,  model M-1, series 1903, 1959A, gas-operated, air-cooled, clip-loading shoulder weapon. Oh, pardon me, it isn't either. I was thinking of the lecture I used to give during the war. I was a first lieutenant, you know."

"Weren't you a major, character?"

"Nope, I wasn't a major, but I sure was a character."
(14)

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"Let us be the first to conquer space!" She threw that shattering sentence at me, and I was properly shattered. Like an outdated atom bomb exploding in some radioactive lagoon. "If Einstein, Eisenhower, Truman, Landon and other great brains can't conquer space -- how can I, a mere genius, hope to?" "I'm not referring to you," Betty remarks. "I refer to Professor Ignu P. Ropeneck." (O.K., so I shoulda introduced a major character earlier. So I didn't know until now that he would be a major character. So he might not even be a major character. Not even a first lieutenant character. WC) To get back to the story Conner so rudely interrupted, I inquired, "Just who is this major character --now he's got me doing it!-- this Professor Nooseneck?" "Not Nooseneck!" sez Betty. "Ropeneck." "Ropeneck?" I sez, "That's Noose to me." "I'll go outside and bring him in," Betty tells me. "You might as well," I acquiesed. When you're around Betty, acquiessing is all you can jolly well do. In print, that is. What you can do out of print would be another story -- and a lot more interesting one at that! Betty opened the door. A hungry looking man with his hands tied behind him came in. I liked him immediately. I knew why those hands were tied. After all, around a gal like Betty, wouldn't you?" "This is Professor Ropeneck," sez Betty. "No sez the Prof. "Not Ropeneck. Stringneck." "Not Nooseneck?" I asks. "No." he sez. "Glad to hear it," I sez. "No Noose is good Noose." "Who's this?" sez the Prof to Betty. "That's Longhammer," Betty tells him. "Glad to make you," I said to the Prof. "Likewise," sez he, shifting his gum from cheek to cheek. "What's new in the rocket racket?" I inquired. "It's in da bag," sez the Prof, pulling a paper sack out of his pocket. "Here's da whole t'ing in a nutshell." And it was. A pecan shell, to be specific. Why anyone should build a rocket inside a pecan is beyond me, but you know these Professor guys. Some of them are sort of eccentric. This one was more than that. He was completely bats. "Dat," sez the professor, "is a overdrive, model M-1, series 1903, 1959A, gas-operated, air-cooled, clip-loading shoulder weapon. Oh, pardon me, it isn't either. I was thinking of the lecture I used to give during the war. I was a first lieutenant, you know." "Weren't you a major, character?" "Nope, I wasn't a major, but I sure was a character." (14)