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D'Journal, v. 1, issue 1, January 1939
Page 6
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(--continued) "Come, come", called Weak, who was performing a miracle in getting thru that midget doorway. "We havent all day to waste. Get in." Well, I did squeeze thru. I smashed my watch tho. Inside I found a small candle set in the center of the floor for illumination. There were nno ports, no instruments outside of a speedomter intended as a guage to show how high the 'ship went. The rocket in the rear was fired by touching to bare wires together. This was Weaks rocket ship. "Do you call this broken down wine barrel a rocket ship?" I asked sweetly, preparing to exit. "Why, Wright brothers' first airplane could fly better than this #$%!*!%$*! of a mess! I'm going home!" "Tut tut, this is only an experimental model. If it works I'll build one with all the finest comforts that you milk-fed excuse for a human could desire! Why, I have a good ming not to show you how it flies! If it does. I have worked weeks and months, hours and minutes, and all the reward I get is having some ignorant fool belittle me!" "Yes," I dryly reminded him. "As you so quaintly put it: "if it works"; let me out. I am going home!" But before I could budge, Weak shoved the two wires together! A loud explosion came from the rear of the ship An explosion like a sick cow coughing up cactus. For a moment the ship shook like a wet, then---ah, but could I forget what happened then! That darn rat trap did move! Moved straight up! It went straight up for about 20 feet and then that dog-gonned excuse for a rocket at the tail of the ship gave out and the ship found it could not defy gravity; but aboutb twice as fast! It seemed to me we reached the Earth's core before we stopped going down! Bright stars and brother comets were dashing hither and thither before my eyes; noises of hundreds of thousands of decibels were in my ears, and that lousy candle was burning a neat hole in the seat of my best britches! As usual, I passed out. I was told afterwards that the neighbors rescued us in the nick of time. I was only burned bad enough to stay in the hospital a mere 6 weeks, and not able to sit at ease for months. But that was nothing. What sent me to chewing up the Hospital flowers was that Weak had nerve enough to come out to the sick-room and invite me outto his house to see his latest invention! (END) ------------------------------------- "OF NOT THE SLIGHTEST INTEREST TO YOU" From Bradbury we learn that the Christmas Annual of ASTOUNDING SCIENCE FICTION will feature "Jason Thumbs Home", and contain the following book length novels: "Smell Ship", "The Master Must Not Cry", "Sssst--Earthman?" (by A. Oldmaid), and "Hyperacidity". The new STARTLING STORIES will soon start an article policy, the first to be: "Why does a Rocket make a rocket when taking off?" by Willy Hey. The same mag will introduce a new department in its March issue, the "Postcard Static" dept. wherein readers will send in blank postcards telling Weisinger what they DONT think of his new magazine. AMAZING STORIES informed us on our last visit to Chicago that they will soon move their offices to New Chicago on-the-Moon "to get the proper local-color". They also say that in an issue coming up, they will feature on their cover the first photograph of how Earth looks form Uranus. An actual reproduction, they swear. With WEIRD TALES in new hands, the publishers are planning on distributing free hair tonic with some of their ghost stories now being printed. To give one hair to stands one end, you know. THRILLING WONDER STORIES was auspiciously mum during our visit to their offices. We suspect either Weisinger suspects us, or they have plans up their sleeves for weekly publication of WONDER. In all probablity, both, for our looks are enough to make one suspect us, (END)
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(--continued) "Come, come", called Weak, who was performing a miracle in getting thru that midget doorway. "We havent all day to waste. Get in." Well, I did squeeze thru. I smashed my watch tho. Inside I found a small candle set in the center of the floor for illumination. There were nno ports, no instruments outside of a speedomter intended as a guage to show how high the 'ship went. The rocket in the rear was fired by touching to bare wires together. This was Weaks rocket ship. "Do you call this broken down wine barrel a rocket ship?" I asked sweetly, preparing to exit. "Why, Wright brothers' first airplane could fly better than this #$%!*!%$*! of a mess! I'm going home!" "Tut tut, this is only an experimental model. If it works I'll build one with all the finest comforts that you milk-fed excuse for a human could desire! Why, I have a good ming not to show you how it flies! If it does. I have worked weeks and months, hours and minutes, and all the reward I get is having some ignorant fool belittle me!" "Yes," I dryly reminded him. "As you so quaintly put it: "if it works"; let me out. I am going home!" But before I could budge, Weak shoved the two wires together! A loud explosion came from the rear of the ship An explosion like a sick cow coughing up cactus. For a moment the ship shook like a wet, then---ah, but could I forget what happened then! That darn rat trap did move! Moved straight up! It went straight up for about 20 feet and then that dog-gonned excuse for a rocket at the tail of the ship gave out and the ship found it could not defy gravity; but aboutb twice as fast! It seemed to me we reached the Earth's core before we stopped going down! Bright stars and brother comets were dashing hither and thither before my eyes; noises of hundreds of thousands of decibels were in my ears, and that lousy candle was burning a neat hole in the seat of my best britches! As usual, I passed out. I was told afterwards that the neighbors rescued us in the nick of time. I was only burned bad enough to stay in the hospital a mere 6 weeks, and not able to sit at ease for months. But that was nothing. What sent me to chewing up the Hospital flowers was that Weak had nerve enough to come out to the sick-room and invite me outto his house to see his latest invention! (END) ------------------------------------- "OF NOT THE SLIGHTEST INTEREST TO YOU" From Bradbury we learn that the Christmas Annual of ASTOUNDING SCIENCE FICTION will feature "Jason Thumbs Home", and contain the following book length novels: "Smell Ship", "The Master Must Not Cry", "Sssst--Earthman?" (by A. Oldmaid), and "Hyperacidity". The new STARTLING STORIES will soon start an article policy, the first to be: "Why does a Rocket make a rocket when taking off?" by Willy Hey. The same mag will introduce a new department in its March issue, the "Postcard Static" dept. wherein readers will send in blank postcards telling Weisinger what they DONT think of his new magazine. AMAZING STORIES informed us on our last visit to Chicago that they will soon move their offices to New Chicago on-the-Moon "to get the proper local-color". They also say that in an issue coming up, they will feature on their cover the first photograph of how Earth looks form Uranus. An actual reproduction, they swear. With WEIRD TALES in new hands, the publishers are planning on distributing free hair tonic with some of their ghost stories now being printed. To give one hair to stands one end, you know. THRILLING WONDER STORIES was auspiciously mum during our visit to their offices. We suspect either Weisinger suspects us, or they have plans up their sleeves for weekly publication of WONDER. In all probablity, both, for our looks are enough to make one suspect us, (END)
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