DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Pluto, v. 1, issue 4, September 1940

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Pluto, v. 1, issue 4, September 1940

Page 15

   MONSTER CREATES MAN IN TEST TUBE
                       By
             J. Bullshooter Van Finch Finch

   K-762 stationed in the natural freak department of the biological monstrositys laboratory, reported this morning that he had succeeded in creating a distorted form of life in a test tube. The thing created by K-762 is of horrible appearance, having a ghastly white skin, some sort of growth on the top of its head, a bulge in the middle of its face and three holes in its head front It ate goldfish, mumbled "CHICON" "Hedy Lamarr" and Marvel Tales" at frequent intervals (a magic charm to ward off evil spirits, probably) and expressed the desire to go back to what it termed "College" and put out something, called a "Fanmag". By reading the organism's almost non-extistant mind with a mentelescope, specialists determined that its form of exercise was a peculiar sport the purpose of which was having two gangs of twelve monsters each line up and rush at each other howling imprecations. The side which succeeded in stamping on the most faces and biting off the most "toes" then won this barbaric sport which the beast termed "football". In a modified version of this game, sides selected the most derogatory words they could find and hurled them at each other. The strange thing about this game was the fact that it had no purpose, and never ended. Apparently it was supposed to go on forever and ever---the children of the original teams fighting on without knowing the purpose of the game either. This strange insanity was named "feuding by the monster.
   Professor Drakula Z. Francensteen stated that the monstrosity would be put out of it misery, since it was obviously cruel to let such a hideous thing exist. 
********************************************************
                        OVERFLOW
   Russel Chauvenet, has this to say, concerning the question of How many feet does sound travel per mile: "The number of feet sound travels per mile, will not--be 5280, because: sound travels in waves; and not a straight line The number in question will depend on the wavelength and heigth of waves; can't be given-----for just, "SOUND".
   
   Forrie Ackerman says this on the subject of "Famous Jokes": If there are more Planets in the Milky Way, than science suspects, would you call them "Udder Planets ?---- ( guess that will keep U COWED! )

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MONSTER CREATES MAN IN TEST TUBE By J. Bullshooter Van Finch Finch K-762 stationed in the natural freak department of the biological monstrositys laboratory, reported this morning that he had succeeded in creating a distorted form of life in a test tube. The thing created by K-762 is of horrible appearance, having a ghastly white skin, some sort of growth on the top of its head, a bulge in the middle of its face and three holes in its head front It ate goldfish, mumbled "CHICON" "Hedy Lamarr" and Marvel Tales" at frequent intervals (a magic charm to ward off evil spirits, probably) and expressed the desire to go back to what it termed "College" and put out something, called a "Fanmag". By reading the organism's almost non-extistant mind with a mentelescope, specialists determined that its form of exercise was a peculiar sport the purpose of which was having two gangs of twelve monsters each line up and rush at each other howling imprecations. The side which succeeded in stamping on the most faces and biting off the most "toes" then won this barbaric sport which the beast termed "football". In a modified version of this game, sides selected the most derogatory words they could find and hurled them at each other. The strange thing about this game was the fact that it had no purpose, and never ended. Apparently it was supposed to go on forever and ever---the children of the original teams fighting on without knowing the purpose of the game either. This strange insanity was named "feuding by the monster. Professor Drakula Z. Francensteen stated that the monstrosity would be put out of it misery, since it was obviously cruel to let such a hideous thing exist. ******************************************************** OVERFLOW Russel Chauvenet, has this to say, concerning the question of How many feet does sound travel per mile: "The number of feet sound travels per mile, will not--be 5280, because: sound travels in waves; and not a straight line The number in question will depend on the wavelength and heigth of waves; can't be given-----for just, "SOUND". Forrie Ackerman says this on the subject of "Famous Jokes": If there are more Planets in the Milky Way, than science suspects, would you call them "Udder Planets ?---- ( guess that will keep U COWED! )