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Tess Catalano "Take Back the Night" and other academic essays, 1982

1982-09-15 Catalano #5 Page 2

Catalano pg.2

   Perhaps at a comma, or the more lengthy semi-colon, she will pause to strike her lighter, 

[handwritten]
{here you could use a semicolon appropriately} 

flaming it will approach the cigarette and predictably will be thwarted midway, stopped cold in its tracks as another point comes to mind. Once, twice, three times the attempt will be made, and although it may come closer each time, the effort will undoubtedly be aborted by some latent utterance. 
   At some point- perhaps it will finally be your turn to speak, or more often the drive for nicotine will prevail - the cigarette will flare, twice, three times and smolder contentedly as the now useless lighter is tossed aside. This your cue to speak, You must concentrate, for your opinion will be supported or admonished by inhaled assents or exhaled exasperations. Here, in fact, she 

[handwritten]
{abnormal usage but effective} 

and smolders the cherry 

[handwritten]
{it seems you have something more controlling in mind - the verb  may be too weak or imprecise} 

red tip brilliantly. 
   The cigarette could last five minutes, depending on your skills at oration, for if you're good and can capture her attention, it may burn impotently at the ashtray, or dangle neglected from her fingers in mid-air. But the final word is always hers, accompanied by the intent mashing of the spent filter and repeated tracing of ashes in the ashtray. 

[handwritten]
{ You've implied a good deal about this person as a declaimer, and also a good deal about the listener's perhaps half admiring, half intimidate but certainly acutely attentive relation to the smoker. There are occasional violations of usage n your prose, and at this point I'm not sure how deliberate they are, or how necessary to the way you perceive.

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Catalano pg.2 Perhaps at a comma, or the more lengthy semi-colon, she will pause to strike her lighter, [handwritten] {here you could use a semicolon appropriately} flaming it will approach the cigarette and predictably will be thwarted midway, stopped cold in its tracks as another point comes to mind. Once, twice, three times the attempt will be made, and although it may come closer each time, the effort will undoubtedly be aborted by some latent utterance. At some point- perhaps it will finally be your turn to speak, or more often the drive for nicotine will prevail - the cigarette will flare, twice, three times and smolder contentedly as the now useless lighter is tossed aside. This your cue to speak, You must concentrate, for your opinion will be supported or admonished by inhaled assents or exhaled exasperations. Here, in fact, she [handwritten] {abnormal usage but effective} and smolders the cherry [handwritten] {it seems you have something more controlling in mind - the verb may be too weak or imprecise} red tip brilliantly. The cigarette could last five minutes, depending on your skills at oration, for if you're good and can capture her attention, it may burn impotently at the ashtray, or dangle neglected from her fingers in mid-air. But the final word is always hers, accompanied by the intent mashing of the spent filter and repeated tracing of ashes in the ashtray. [handwritten] { You've implied a good deal about this person as a declaimer, and also a good deal about the listener's perhaps half admiring, half intimidate but certainly acutely attentive relation to the smoker. There are occasional violations of usage n your prose, and at this point I'm not sure how deliberate they are, or how necessary to the way you perceive.