DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Banshee, whole no. 4, March 1944

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Banshee, whole no. 4, March 1944

Page 18

18 * * * 

SUPERFAN's PERFECT DAY
by Len Marlow

Superfan awoke.
The fans were fanning, the fishes were fishing, the buds were budding, the seas were seeing, and the moon was doing whatever it does in the a.m.
It was a day.
Superfan put on the sneakers, baggy pants, and dirty grey shirt he wore as the moronic hitch-hiker and Cosmic Cube propaganda distributor, Buck Dodgers.
Helenna Hadleigh, Superfan's cook, laundress, and--er--handygirl, was preparing something or other.
Isn't it a day, Helenna? said Superfan.
Uhhhhhhhh-uhuh, Superfan darling, said Helenna.
Helenna, said Superfan.
Helenna, how many times must I tell you not to call me Superfan, as you are the only person in the world that I am really a Superfan, and to call me Buck Dodgers instead.
Uhhhhhhhh-uhuh, Superfan darling, said Helenna.
Breakfast was nauseating.
After he had finished gagging and wiped up the floor with Helenna's wig, Superfan got out his big book containing the names of all the FooFooists, Ashleys, Ungers, Schwartzes, model fans, editors, and anti-Cosmic Cubites in the whole world.
As he thumbed through the book, and even stranger look than usual spread over Superfan's hideous face.
It spread behind the matter curtain of hair that dangled down over the moronic face of Buck Dodgers, of course.
Finally Superfan closed the book with a snap, yanking his bruised thumb from between the pages with a howl of agony.
Helenna, said Superfan, you are a witness to a momentous ocassion.
Today, Helennah, there are no more FooFooists, Ashleys, and Ungers, Schwartzes, model fans, editors, or anti-Cosmic Cubites in the whole world.
I have reformed (Yak, yak!), jailed, sued, slaughtered (accidentally of course) or exiled to Pluto every last one of them.
The earth is freed of all those who are opposed to the total fandom.
Helenna said Uhhhhhhhh....
Superfan stoof before a mirror and smirked ghoulishly as it shattered to bits.
Finally he said Helenna, I have been freed of my duty to the Cube-me. 
Today I am going out and have fun.
Helenna said Uhhhhhhhh....
Superfan walked down the street, looking very funny.
I wonder what I can do to have fun,he gargled hoarsely to himself.
He decided to ride the bus.
He hadn't ridden the bus in eons.

Saving...

18 * * * SUPERFAN's PERFECT DAY by Len Marlow Superfan awoke. The fans were fanning, the fishes were fishing, the buds were budding, the seas were seeing, and the moon was doing whatever it does in the a.m. It was a day. Superfan put on the sneakers, baggy pants, and dirty grey shirt he wore as the moronic hitch-hiker and Cosmic Cube propaganda distributor, Buck Dodgers. Helenna Hadleigh, Superfan's cook, laundress, and--er--handygirl, was preparing something or other. Isn't it a day, Helenna? said Superfan. Uhhhhhhhh-uhuh, Superfan darling, said Helenna. Helenna, said Superfan. Helenna, how many times must I tell you not to call me Superfan, as you are the only person in the world that I am really a Superfan, and to call me Buck Dodgers instead. Uhhhhhhhh-uhuh, Superfan darling, said Helenna. Breakfast was nauseating. After he had finished gagging and wiped up the floor with Helenna's wig, Superfan got out his big book containing the names of all the FooFooists, Ashleys, Ungers, Schwartzes, model fans, editors, and anti-Cosmic Cubites in the whole world. As he thumbed through the book, and even stranger look than usual spread over Superfan's hideous face. It spread behind the matter curtain of hair that dangled down over the moronic face of Buck Dodgers, of course. Finally Superfan closed the book with a snap, yanking his bruised thumb from between the pages with a howl of agony. Helenna, said Superfan, you are a witness to a momentous ocassion. Today, Helennah, there are no more FooFooists, Ashleys, and Ungers, Schwartzes, model fans, editors, or anti-Cosmic Cubites in the whole world. I have reformed (Yak, yak!), jailed, sued, slaughtered (accidentally of course) or exiled to Pluto every last one of them. The earth is freed of all those who are opposed to the total fandom. Helenna said Uhhhhhhhh.... Superfan stoof before a mirror and smirked ghoulishly as it shattered to bits. Finally he said Helenna, I have been freed of my duty to the Cube-me. Today I am going out and have fun. Helenna said Uhhhhhhhh.... Superfan walked down the street, looking very funny. I wonder what I can do to have fun,he gargled hoarsely to himself. He decided to ride the bus. He hadn't ridden the bus in eons.