DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Banshee, whole no. 4, March 1944

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Banshee, whole no. 4, March 1944

Page 19

Banshee * * * 19

He had always hitch-hiked.
I think I will ride the bus, he gargled.
A lot of other fans thought the same thing.
On the subway an unusually thin and unusually little pipsqueak of a fan pushed four femme-fans and an old Inner Square member of the Cosmic Cube out of the way to get a seat.
Superfan sloughed over and stooped near the ungentlefan's seat.
He covered the ungentlefan's toes with his own.
Straining and gasping he applied pressure.
The ungentlefan wiggled in discomfort and gave Superfan a hearty kick.
When he had wiped the glass and blood from his brow, Superfan looked incredulously after the disappearing bus.
Superfan made a slight motion with his hand.
He collapsed in the street.
He smiled sweetly and dreamed he was holding Helenna.
Several hours later Superfan regained consciousness.
He staggered to his feet just in time to see an dugly and tough Cosmic Cop lift a bright red copy of Sexy Scientigirl Stories from a newsstand as he swaggered by.
Now Superfan had organized the Cosmic Cops, but SSS was his magazine and he collected all the profits on it.
The trouble was, there never were any profits.
Superfan grasped this cop by the back of the next, tried to take his blaster away from him, and got  singed in the pants for his troubles. 
Then he reached for the copy of SSS.
The cop scooped up all the copies of SSS from the newsstand and made Superfan eat them.
The cop left the newsstand and did not pay for the magazine.
Superfan grinned sickly.
He did not grin for long, however.
As soon as the cop had turned the corner he heaved his insides out. 
Yes he did, actually and literally.
He shreiked in horror.
He shreiked and kept on shreiking.
The sound of his shreiking turned into the wail which Helenna used to awaken him in the morning.
Superfan awoke.
Pondering his dream, he turned to the cracked and dirt streaked window. The snow was snowing, the hail was hailing, the wind was winding, and the moon was doing whatever it does in a snowstorm.
It was a day for exclusion acts.
Helenna, Superfan's cook, laudress, and--er--handygirl, rolled out of bed too.
Uhhhhhhhh--Superfan darling, said Helenna. 
Uhhhhhhhh--Superfan darling, ya shouldun be slouchin' thur.
Uhhhhhhhh--ya should be out slanderin' "Garlic" Unger, worls most dangerous antuh-Cosmic Cubite, who is going ta use his millions of dollars made from sellin' maguhzines to gain cuhntrol of all fandom-uhhhhhhhhh,,,,
Superfan thought of his dream.
He thought of all the Ungers, Ashleys, Schwartzes, and all the other anti-Cosmic Cubites surrounding him.
He thought of the days of weary hitch-hiking ahead of him.
He thought of all the exclusion acts he must endure.
He just couldn't help himself.
Aw nuts! sobbed Superfan.

Saving...

Banshee * * * 19 He had always hitch-hiked. I think I will ride the bus, he gargled. A lot of other fans thought the same thing. On the subway an unusually thin and unusually little pipsqueak of a fan pushed four femme-fans and an old Inner Square member of the Cosmic Cube out of the way to get a seat. Superfan sloughed over and stooped near the ungentlefan's seat. He covered the ungentlefan's toes with his own. Straining and gasping he applied pressure. The ungentlefan wiggled in discomfort and gave Superfan a hearty kick. When he had wiped the glass and blood from his brow, Superfan looked incredulously after the disappearing bus. Superfan made a slight motion with his hand. He collapsed in the street. He smiled sweetly and dreamed he was holding Helenna. Several hours later Superfan regained consciousness. He staggered to his feet just in time to see an dugly and tough Cosmic Cop lift a bright red copy of Sexy Scientigirl Stories from a newsstand as he swaggered by. Now Superfan had organized the Cosmic Cops, but SSS was his magazine and he collected all the profits on it. The trouble was, there never were any profits. Superfan grasped this cop by the back of the next, tried to take his blaster away from him, and got singed in the pants for his troubles. Then he reached for the copy of SSS. The cop scooped up all the copies of SSS from the newsstand and made Superfan eat them. The cop left the newsstand and did not pay for the magazine. Superfan grinned sickly. He did not grin for long, however. As soon as the cop had turned the corner he heaved his insides out. Yes he did, actually and literally. He shreiked in horror. He shreiked and kept on shreiking. The sound of his shreiking turned into the wail which Helenna used to awaken him in the morning. Superfan awoke. Pondering his dream, he turned to the cracked and dirt streaked window. The snow was snowing, the hail was hailing, the wind was winding, and the moon was doing whatever it does in a snowstorm. It was a day for exclusion acts. Helenna, Superfan's cook, laudress, and--er--handygirl, rolled out of bed too. Uhhhhhhhh--Superfan darling, said Helenna. Uhhhhhhhh--Superfan darling, ya shouldun be slouchin' thur. Uhhhhhhhh--ya should be out slanderin' "Garlic" Unger, worls most dangerous antuh-Cosmic Cubite, who is going ta use his millions of dollars made from sellin' maguhzines to gain cuhntrol of all fandom-uhhhhhhhhh,,,, Superfan thought of his dream. He thought of all the Ungers, Ashleys, Schwartzes, and all the other anti-Cosmic Cubites surrounding him. He thought of the days of weary hitch-hiking ahead of him. He thought of all the exclusion acts he must endure. He just couldn't help himself. Aw nuts! sobbed Superfan.