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Spacewarp, v. 5, issue 5, whole no. 27, June 1949
Page 2
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Introduction to Roscosim ((Editor's Note: The following is part of a collection of birchbark scrolls found in a hollow tree by a punchdrunk lumberjack named Bjornsen, or Cornwallis. He was punchdrunk because the tree, which he had attempted to fell, fell. On his head, well I mean! In his dazed condition, he neglected to mark the exact location of the tree, and by the time an expedition from that well-known cultural and technological organization, the SAPS, had reached the site, all but a few of the birchbark slabs had been carried off by a tribe of nearby deroes, who were constructing a canoe with which to emigrate to the probable site of Atlantis, where they hoped to obtain PROOF that they existed. The uncertainty as to their existence raised by a recent controversy among fans had brought most of the deroes to the verge of neuroticism, save for the few who had read Korzybski. These were completely insane. At any rate, the portions of the Sacred Writings which were rescued deal with Roscoe, the Good Beaver, and with Oscar, the Evil Muskrat, who is constantly palming himself off on the gullible herd as a beaver, also. This month we present the first half of.....)) THE SACRED WRITINGS OF ROSCOE (Book I) There exists a gay young beaver; Roscoe is this beaver's name, and he seems like most young beavers, but he isn't quite the same, for although the rest are brownish, or a muddy greyish-blue, when you take a look at Roscoe, why the look goes right on thru! He cannot be seen in water, he cannot be seen in air, and if he didn't bite you, you would vow he wasn't there. But his teeth are keen as chisels and if you commit a sin, Roscoe will find out about it, and he'll bite you on the shin. Roscoe watches out for stfen wheresoever they may be, from the canyons to the desert, form the mountains to the sea. He;s a kind and helpful beaver, aiding fen in many ways, and he merits fannish worship on the Sacred Beaver Days. These Days are two in number: one's the fourth day of July --it's the day when Roscoe flies a fiery spaceship in the sky. In his honor, on that date, a truce should fall on fan dissention, and every true disciple should assemble in convention. The second Day is Labor Day, the date of Roscoe's birth, when tribute should be paid him all over the fannish earth, when all fen shall meet their fellows to look back upon the year and shall drink a toast to Roscoe in that other great ghod: Beer. Now, Roscoe helps his followers in many, many ways; just to list them would consume about a hundred billion days: he reduces typing errors; he makes fanclub laws more stable; he keeps laid-down pens and styli from a-rolling off the table. He makes mimeos print legibly, makes typer-ribbons last; he keeps hack from pulling boners when they're writing of the past; he climbs into crowded newsstands, ferrets out the stffish zines, and attracts the fan's attention via telepathic beams. 2 CONTINUED ON PAGE FOUR
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Introduction to Roscosim ((Editor's Note: The following is part of a collection of birchbark scrolls found in a hollow tree by a punchdrunk lumberjack named Bjornsen, or Cornwallis. He was punchdrunk because the tree, which he had attempted to fell, fell. On his head, well I mean! In his dazed condition, he neglected to mark the exact location of the tree, and by the time an expedition from that well-known cultural and technological organization, the SAPS, had reached the site, all but a few of the birchbark slabs had been carried off by a tribe of nearby deroes, who were constructing a canoe with which to emigrate to the probable site of Atlantis, where they hoped to obtain PROOF that they existed. The uncertainty as to their existence raised by a recent controversy among fans had brought most of the deroes to the verge of neuroticism, save for the few who had read Korzybski. These were completely insane. At any rate, the portions of the Sacred Writings which were rescued deal with Roscoe, the Good Beaver, and with Oscar, the Evil Muskrat, who is constantly palming himself off on the gullible herd as a beaver, also. This month we present the first half of.....)) THE SACRED WRITINGS OF ROSCOE (Book I) There exists a gay young beaver; Roscoe is this beaver's name, and he seems like most young beavers, but he isn't quite the same, for although the rest are brownish, or a muddy greyish-blue, when you take a look at Roscoe, why the look goes right on thru! He cannot be seen in water, he cannot be seen in air, and if he didn't bite you, you would vow he wasn't there. But his teeth are keen as chisels and if you commit a sin, Roscoe will find out about it, and he'll bite you on the shin. Roscoe watches out for stfen wheresoever they may be, from the canyons to the desert, form the mountains to the sea. He;s a kind and helpful beaver, aiding fen in many ways, and he merits fannish worship on the Sacred Beaver Days. These Days are two in number: one's the fourth day of July --it's the day when Roscoe flies a fiery spaceship in the sky. In his honor, on that date, a truce should fall on fan dissention, and every true disciple should assemble in convention. The second Day is Labor Day, the date of Roscoe's birth, when tribute should be paid him all over the fannish earth, when all fen shall meet their fellows to look back upon the year and shall drink a toast to Roscoe in that other great ghod: Beer. Now, Roscoe helps his followers in many, many ways; just to list them would consume about a hundred billion days: he reduces typing errors; he makes fanclub laws more stable; he keeps laid-down pens and styli from a-rolling off the table. He makes mimeos print legibly, makes typer-ribbons last; he keeps hack from pulling boners when they're writing of the past; he climbs into crowded newsstands, ferrets out the stffish zines, and attracts the fan's attention via telepathic beams. 2 CONTINUED ON PAGE FOUR
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