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Timebinder, v. 2, issue 2, whole no. 6, Spring 1946
10
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accepted and enjoyed by others. I do know that it is one of the facets of my character which most of my own inner knowledge, but because they have so often told it to me and the others. I know, too, that it is the greatest single factor in the bringing of personal happiness and contentment to myself. In this one thing I do not feel that I am “almost” man, but that I have really attained success here. And since I consider it one of the most important things in life, my happiness is the greater. The WHY of all this “almost” record I have not yet been able to ascertain. Long hours of deep thought on the matter have produce but one definite conclusion – that there is some flaw in my mental or characteral being that keeps me from being the complete success I would make of myself. If the rules and tests of educators are correct, I should be much higher in the scale of things that I am, for I have been rated with a very high IQ. I’m not trying to boast when I say that my most recent test, a few months ago, was 151, or in the “near Genius” class. But, alas, I am far from being one. And no one knows it better than myself. It is the WHY I am not that puzzles me. Nor that I am anxious to be a “genius” (even a near on), but I would like to feel that I am not a second-rater. Perhaps this is one of the reasons: that I have an inferiority complex. I know that I have, and can often trace where I have gone to extremes in trying to overcome it, or in self-justification because of it. In fact, I am one of the best little self-justifiers I know. Yet I honestly try not to be, and to study myself properly so that I will know, and can act upon, the truth in each individual matter that confronts me. Some of my actions seem so opposite to inferiority, that my elder daughter, who has studied psychology and psychiatry, “tender extrovert”. Perhaps. I do not know enough, in spite of all my study of psychology, to dispute her. But I do know that in my innermost mind I am somewhat in awe or actual fear of those who are “higher” than I am. I find myself diffident about taking my own part against what I feel are personal injustices. I justify my actions by stating to myself or to others, that experience has shown me that it doesn’t make any difference in the end about those things which are at times seemingly very important, but which in the long run are really insignificant. That may or not be the correct mental attitude. That, too, I cannot properly evaluate. -8-
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accepted and enjoyed by others. I do know that it is one of the facets of my character which most of my own inner knowledge, but because they have so often told it to me and the others. I know, too, that it is the greatest single factor in the bringing of personal happiness and contentment to myself. In this one thing I do not feel that I am “almost” man, but that I have really attained success here. And since I consider it one of the most important things in life, my happiness is the greater. The WHY of all this “almost” record I have not yet been able to ascertain. Long hours of deep thought on the matter have produce but one definite conclusion – that there is some flaw in my mental or characteral being that keeps me from being the complete success I would make of myself. If the rules and tests of educators are correct, I should be much higher in the scale of things that I am, for I have been rated with a very high IQ. I’m not trying to boast when I say that my most recent test, a few months ago, was 151, or in the “near Genius” class. But, alas, I am far from being one. And no one knows it better than myself. It is the WHY I am not that puzzles me. Nor that I am anxious to be a “genius” (even a near on), but I would like to feel that I am not a second-rater. Perhaps this is one of the reasons: that I have an inferiority complex. I know that I have, and can often trace where I have gone to extremes in trying to overcome it, or in self-justification because of it. In fact, I am one of the best little self-justifiers I know. Yet I honestly try not to be, and to study myself properly so that I will know, and can act upon, the truth in each individual matter that confronts me. Some of my actions seem so opposite to inferiority, that my elder daughter, who has studied psychology and psychiatry, “tender extrovert”. Perhaps. I do not know enough, in spite of all my study of psychology, to dispute her. But I do know that in my innermost mind I am somewhat in awe or actual fear of those who are “higher” than I am. I find myself diffident about taking my own part against what I feel are personal injustices. I justify my actions by stating to myself or to others, that experience has shown me that it doesn’t make any difference in the end about those things which are at times seemingly very important, but which in the long run are really insignificant. That may or not be the correct mental attitude. That, too, I cannot properly evaluate. -8-
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