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Le Zombie, v. 4, issue 5, whole no. 40, July 1941
Page 7
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(7) DEPT'S OF THE INTERIOR OUR OWN PROPHET DEPT: We call your attention to the Science Fiction Fan for March 1940 (V.4, #8), wherein appears a Reinsberg article, "If You Are Looking For a Way out". Read it. He only missed the calibre of the recent pistol-case by .06 calibres! HOAX DEPT: It's getting to the point where you can't believe anything in fandom anymore. People always turn out to be not dead, married, or born. The time will soon come when a fan dosn't dare die, really die. Nobody will believe it, so he will have to remain immortal. Swisher, we advise you to check-list that baby again. Maybe he isn't really there. CRIME WAVE DEPT: We have recently, and successfully, cheated the gov't of the sum of one cent. Pogo and I. Desiring always to pass along to our dear readers a good thing, once we learn of it, we herewith inform you how it can be done: mail a postal to some one and have the cancelling machine not cancel it. Pogo did. I examined the card in amazment. Not a smear besmirched the fair face of Martha Washington. So I affixed my name to the card in the proper place (she was running for office on some platform, or in some county, or something -- I never read what I sign) and dashed the card back into the box. She got it. Gadzooks! It makes me feel like liddle Scissor! WHICH REMINDS ME DEPT: You probably know that in the NFFFFFFffffffff, it requires the signatures of ten FAMOUS FANS to your application if you wish to run for office. Well and good. I wonder if there is any limit to the number of cards any one FAMOUS FAN may sign, for a particular office? As I mentioned somewhere before, to date I have signed the cards for twenty-three guys running for Pres., nineteen running for Vice Pres, sixty-four running for Treasure, and seven running for Secretary. Not only that, but I have signed no less than one hundred and ten cards, endorsing that many people for the membership board, which can only hold ten comfortably. I wonder if all that was cricket? Nobody told me I couldn't sign that many, so I don't consider it stuffing the ballot box.........but what is the NFFF going to do with 23 Presidents, etc? DOOMSDAY APPROACHETH DEPT: The end of the world is not far off. For in a fanzine this last month happened something which has never happened in fan history before! Let me quote you part of the editorial from the April issue of Fantasite (224 W. 6th, Hastings, Minn.): (quote) "We did a considerable amount of experimenting with the mimeograph before attempting to run off any copies of this issue, hence the legible duplication." (unquote) Prize dope Phil Bronson is responsible for that blunder. You might know some uneducated new fan would come along and upset the apple cart by practicing with a mimeo before he put out a fanzine! Run him out of fandom, LeZ demands! In fandom, there is only room for editors who acquire a machine and publish a first issue within the same hour! We refer you to "A Fanmag is Born" is LeZ #38, reprinted in FMZ Digest. PAT ON THE BACK DEPT: We note that in the three issues (to date) of FMZ Digest (1426 W. 38th, L.A.), only two fanzines have had material reprinted in every issue! Julie Unger's FFF Newsweekly (1702 Dahill Rd, Brooklyn), and we .. us .. LeZ. Oh goody. RUMOR DEPT: Say--! Maybe he did it to collect that $25 prize?!?
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(7) DEPT'S OF THE INTERIOR OUR OWN PROPHET DEPT: We call your attention to the Science Fiction Fan for March 1940 (V.4, #8), wherein appears a Reinsberg article, "If You Are Looking For a Way out". Read it. He only missed the calibre of the recent pistol-case by .06 calibres! HOAX DEPT: It's getting to the point where you can't believe anything in fandom anymore. People always turn out to be not dead, married, or born. The time will soon come when a fan dosn't dare die, really die. Nobody will believe it, so he will have to remain immortal. Swisher, we advise you to check-list that baby again. Maybe he isn't really there. CRIME WAVE DEPT: We have recently, and successfully, cheated the gov't of the sum of one cent. Pogo and I. Desiring always to pass along to our dear readers a good thing, once we learn of it, we herewith inform you how it can be done: mail a postal to some one and have the cancelling machine not cancel it. Pogo did. I examined the card in amazment. Not a smear besmirched the fair face of Martha Washington. So I affixed my name to the card in the proper place (she was running for office on some platform, or in some county, or something -- I never read what I sign) and dashed the card back into the box. She got it. Gadzooks! It makes me feel like liddle Scissor! WHICH REMINDS ME DEPT: You probably know that in the NFFFFFFffffffff, it requires the signatures of ten FAMOUS FANS to your application if you wish to run for office. Well and good. I wonder if there is any limit to the number of cards any one FAMOUS FAN may sign, for a particular office? As I mentioned somewhere before, to date I have signed the cards for twenty-three guys running for Pres., nineteen running for Vice Pres, sixty-four running for Treasure, and seven running for Secretary. Not only that, but I have signed no less than one hundred and ten cards, endorsing that many people for the membership board, which can only hold ten comfortably. I wonder if all that was cricket? Nobody told me I couldn't sign that many, so I don't consider it stuffing the ballot box.........but what is the NFFF going to do with 23 Presidents, etc? DOOMSDAY APPROACHETH DEPT: The end of the world is not far off. For in a fanzine this last month happened something which has never happened in fan history before! Let me quote you part of the editorial from the April issue of Fantasite (224 W. 6th, Hastings, Minn.): (quote) "We did a considerable amount of experimenting with the mimeograph before attempting to run off any copies of this issue, hence the legible duplication." (unquote) Prize dope Phil Bronson is responsible for that blunder. You might know some uneducated new fan would come along and upset the apple cart by practicing with a mimeo before he put out a fanzine! Run him out of fandom, LeZ demands! In fandom, there is only room for editors who acquire a machine and publish a first issue within the same hour! We refer you to "A Fanmag is Born" is LeZ #38, reprinted in FMZ Digest. PAT ON THE BACK DEPT: We note that in the three issues (to date) of FMZ Digest (1426 W. 38th, L.A.), only two fanzines have had material reprinted in every issue! Julie Unger's FFF Newsweekly (1702 Dahill Rd, Brooklyn), and we .. us .. LeZ. Oh goody. RUMOR DEPT: Say--! Maybe he did it to collect that $25 prize?!?
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