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Snide, issue 1, May 1940
Page 3
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Essay on the Freedom of Space Hopping Pong Our ship was slightly crowded. The pilot's feet were sticking out of the forward port window. He was sitting on the control panel, his hands behind his back manipulating the various controls. You see, he couldn't help himself - the designers of the spaceship forgot to include a seat for him and the rest of us were too busy taking care of ourselves. Timothy, the cook's third helper, slept above the stew pot. We had no room to hang the pot on a hook. It was always kept on the stove. We had no room for canned goods nor stores. The stew was always kept in the pot. Frequently Timothy, cook's third helper, was in with it. Cook had no first and second helpers. We had no room for them. In fact, we had no room for a cook. Timothy, cook's third helper, put cook in the stew many weeks ago. Lo! we had breathing space. Or would have had...But the builders had forgotten to leave room in the ship for air. So we were forced not to breathe. I hadn't breathed now for several weeks. Since taking off, in fact. It was becoming very monotonous. Eglebert was assistant rocketman. It was his job to tend the rockets. The two we had left, that is. Originally we had four. But the designers had only punched two holes in the rear hull, so we were forced not to use two tubes. We threw the extra two away. Then the chief rocketman followed. We had no room for him, and he couldn't play chinese checkers, so we stuffed him out a rocket tube. He got 3
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Essay on the Freedom of Space Hopping Pong Our ship was slightly crowded. The pilot's feet were sticking out of the forward port window. He was sitting on the control panel, his hands behind his back manipulating the various controls. You see, he couldn't help himself - the designers of the spaceship forgot to include a seat for him and the rest of us were too busy taking care of ourselves. Timothy, the cook's third helper, slept above the stew pot. We had no room to hang the pot on a hook. It was always kept on the stove. We had no room for canned goods nor stores. The stew was always kept in the pot. Frequently Timothy, cook's third helper, was in with it. Cook had no first and second helpers. We had no room for them. In fact, we had no room for a cook. Timothy, cook's third helper, put cook in the stew many weeks ago. Lo! we had breathing space. Or would have had...But the builders had forgotten to leave room in the ship for air. So we were forced not to breathe. I hadn't breathed now for several weeks. Since taking off, in fact. It was becoming very monotonous. Eglebert was assistant rocketman. It was his job to tend the rockets. The two we had left, that is. Originally we had four. But the designers had only punched two holes in the rear hull, so we were forced not to use two tubes. We threw the extra two away. Then the chief rocketman followed. We had no room for him, and he couldn't play chinese checkers, so we stuffed him out a rocket tube. He got 3
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