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Snide, issue 1, May 1940
Page 10
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This was done, and we approached the totem pole more closely. Snarletti, geologist, took one look at the weathered, moth-eaten wood, and pronounced, 'Ten thousand, seven hundred fifty-nine years and two days old, at the very least.' We were awed. We are always being awed. It gets boring sometimes. Will continue tomorrow. Snarletti was anxious to get inside and look for records and things, so we walked all around it, looking for ladders. We found none. 'Strange,' mused Captain Batwell, impressively, as always. We gathered around him, shushing each other, while the great man thought. Finally he looked up, his face alight. 'I have it!' he said. 'There must be some other means of entrance!' We cheered. The Captain had again saved the day. And sure enough, when we had looked unsuccessfully for elevators and fire-escapes, we found a door at the base of the huge monument. It was a triumph for human Reason. We went inside. It was dark there. 'Strange,' muttered Captain Batwell, again. While we waited for him to evolve an Idea, we pondered on the mystery of these cosmic totem poles. Totem poles on Earth! Totem poles on Saturn! And now, totem poles on Jupiter! What could it all mean? Was it possible that the American Indians had once colonized the solar system, leaving their totem poles scattered about carelessly? No, we have decided. The Indians were a pretty stupid lot. All they ever did was riding and scalping and building igloos and things. I, personally, doubt if even one of them knew how to operate a spaceship. 10
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This was done, and we approached the totem pole more closely. Snarletti, geologist, took one look at the weathered, moth-eaten wood, and pronounced, 'Ten thousand, seven hundred fifty-nine years and two days old, at the very least.' We were awed. We are always being awed. It gets boring sometimes. Will continue tomorrow. Snarletti was anxious to get inside and look for records and things, so we walked all around it, looking for ladders. We found none. 'Strange,' mused Captain Batwell, impressively, as always. We gathered around him, shushing each other, while the great man thought. Finally he looked up, his face alight. 'I have it!' he said. 'There must be some other means of entrance!' We cheered. The Captain had again saved the day. And sure enough, when we had looked unsuccessfully for elevators and fire-escapes, we found a door at the base of the huge monument. It was a triumph for human Reason. We went inside. It was dark there. 'Strange,' muttered Captain Batwell, again. While we waited for him to evolve an Idea, we pondered on the mystery of these cosmic totem poles. Totem poles on Earth! Totem poles on Saturn! And now, totem poles on Jupiter! What could it all mean? Was it possible that the American Indians had once colonized the solar system, leaving their totem poles scattered about carelessly? No, we have decided. The Indians were a pretty stupid lot. All they ever did was riding and scalping and building igloos and things. I, personally, doubt if even one of them knew how to operate a spaceship. 10
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