DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Imagination, v. 1, issue 7, whole no. 7, April 1938

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Imagination, v. 1, issue 7, whole no. 7, April 1938

Page 8

8
Tele-fony Fan-tasticonversation (in the inimicabl "Akrmn" styll by  Azygous
(Foo-ward: Our "Mystery Ms" of Feb seems to've started something. After its publicattion the following was rcvd. On white paper, true, but it too was typt with few errors & the sheets crinkled--with scorcht edges! A name was appended but the writer remains anonymous even so for "Azygous" is a pseudonym whose identity is as yet unknown. Geo Hahn, Buffalo fan, is said to've admitted being the boy but his confession it is believed may not be  bonafide. "Willy the Wasp", notorious New York columnist, imagines Azygous may be SaMoskowitz, Helios Editor. Only info we can add: Envelope was postmarkt Flushing/NY, famous for Jas V. Taurasi--Cosmic's Ed. Tho that "don't mean a thing", as the swingsters sing... "It's a prity good imitation of "Ackermanese" comments the Effjay, but warns "Ack-cept no substitute--no simplifyd spelng "J'enuine without SSSS!)
I had a long talk with Wesso th othr day. Twasnt as simpl as that howevr. There was much red tape 2 b gone thru 1st. I bgan by looking undr W in the fone bk. Twasnt there, ocourse. Slebritys, y'kno. . . .  So I diald 411 & got th operatr. "In4ma--shun!" she shrild.
Sed I: "Can U giv me th no. uv HWWesso th famus illustratr?"
"Certnly" she sed. "But it depends on wethr U can aford it. So many scientifictionuts call up Hans these days the fone co.'s put a tax on his no.  Wen it was in the fone bk evry 2 mins a fan'd take it in2 his myopic mentality 2 ring up Mr. W. This causd an awful wear & tear on th wyrs leading 2 his apt so that evry othr wk a lynsman'd hav 2 go ovr & repair th conexion. Now anybody wanting 2 talk 2 him gets th cost of 10 calls tuckd on2 his fone bil." 
"I'm at a pay-station" I informd her. "Wat'll it cost me?"
"1/2$" returnd promptly. I shrugd---wot th hek, slugs wer cheap enuf---& dropt a few. "Now wat?"
"Justaminit, I'll conek-tew!" Th receivr made th custmary buzing sounds 4 a wile, then a gruf voice sed: "Hlo."
"Gmorning, I remarkd curtously. "Is this Mr. Wesso? My name is Azygous. I'm a s-f fan. I calld 2----"
"Ur not an artist? I cant abyd artists. Speshly amateur artists. They make me c spots b4 my Is. Tho, if I wer Virgil Finlay I'd always b c ing spots, wouldnt I?" & I hurydly snatcht th receivr from my ear as a tornado of lafter pourd thru it. Wen I agen ventured 2 lisn I herd:  "---ust 2 dip their tails in diffrnt colord paints & walk back & forth acros th rm with a piece of ded fish. Their tails'd brush agenst th canvases & paint my old Astounding Storys covrs." "--Eh?" "Cats" he sed. "Mousrs. Felis domestica. Where'v U bin? Nevr mind. As I was saying, its a gud thing U are not an embryo artist. They irk me byond measur. There was 1 felo here not long ago--name of Tew-race . . . Cow-racy . . ." "--Taurasi?" "Thats th 1. He was wors than Dick Calkins. I threw him out a windo. Funny th way he bouncd. Up & down. . . up & down . . ." 
"I'll bet."
"No matr. U say Ur a ritr? U rite?
"Yes" I replyd witily. "I'm an authr. I auth."
"Hmmm. Anothr fan ritr was up 2 c me a few wks ago. Calld 'mself -- uh-- Boll-Weevil? -- Bowline? -- Gentlmn with teeth." "Wollheim?" "Thats rite. Hypnotic manr uv talking. B4 I knu it I was weeping on his sholdr & telling him matrs that wer nun uv his biznes. It was awful, Mr. Ashtray." 
"Azygous." "--Ah yes," Then came a chukl. "Wets so amusing?" askt I. Ansrd a nasal twang: "U wil hav 2 deposit a quartr 4 ovrtime, sirr-r-r-r!" I just was SESSO L. . . !

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8 Tele-fony Fan-tasticonversation (in the inimicabl "Akrmn" styll by Azygous (Foo-ward: Our "Mystery Ms" of Feb seems to've started something. After its publicattion the following was rcvd. On white paper, true, but it too was typt with few errors & the sheets crinkled--with scorcht edges! A name was appended but the writer remains anonymous even so for "Azygous" is a pseudonym whose identity is as yet unknown. Geo Hahn, Buffalo fan, is said to've admitted being the boy but his confession it is believed may not be bonafide. "Willy the Wasp", notorious New York columnist, imagines Azygous may be SaMoskowitz, Helios Editor. Only info we can add: Envelope was postmarkt Flushing/NY, famous for Jas V. Taurasi--Cosmic's Ed. Tho that "don't mean a thing", as the swingsters sing... "It's a prity good imitation of "Ackermanese" comments the Effjay, but warns "Ack-cept no substitute--no simplifyd spelng "J'enuine without SSSS!) I had a long talk with Wesso th othr day. Twasnt as simpl as that howevr. There was much red tape 2 b gone thru 1st. I bgan by looking undr W in the fone bk. Twasnt there, ocourse. Slebritys, y'kno. . . . So I diald 411 & got th operatr. "In4ma--shun!" she shrild. Sed I: "Can U giv me th no. uv HWWesso th famus illustratr?" "Certnly" she sed. "But it depends on wethr U can aford it. So many scientifictionuts call up Hans these days the fone co.'s put a tax on his no. Wen it was in the fone bk evry 2 mins a fan'd take it in2 his myopic mentality 2 ring up Mr. W. This causd an awful wear & tear on th wyrs leading 2 his apt so that evry othr wk a lynsman'd hav 2 go ovr & repair th conexion. Now anybody wanting 2 talk 2 him gets th cost of 10 calls tuckd on2 his fone bil." "I'm at a pay-station" I informd her. "Wat'll it cost me?" "1/2$" returnd promptly. I shrugd---wot th hek, slugs wer cheap enuf---& dropt a few. "Now wat?" "Justaminit, I'll conek-tew!" Th receivr made th custmary buzing sounds 4 a wile, then a gruf voice sed: "Hlo." "Gmorning, I remarkd curtously. "Is this Mr. Wesso? My name is Azygous. I'm a s-f fan. I calld 2----" "Ur not an artist? I cant abyd artists. Speshly amateur artists. They make me c spots b4 my Is. Tho, if I wer Virgil Finlay I'd always b c ing spots, wouldnt I?" & I hurydly snatcht th receivr from my ear as a tornado of lafter pourd thru it. Wen I agen ventured 2 lisn I herd: "---ust 2 dip their tails in diffrnt colord paints & walk back & forth acros th rm with a piece of ded fish. Their tails'd brush agenst th canvases & paint my old Astounding Storys covrs." "--Eh?" "Cats" he sed. "Mousrs. Felis domestica. Where'v U bin? Nevr mind. As I was saying, its a gud thing U are not an embryo artist. They irk me byond measur. There was 1 felo here not long ago--name of Tew-race . . . Cow-racy . . ." "--Taurasi?" "Thats th 1. He was wors than Dick Calkins. I threw him out a windo. Funny th way he bouncd. Up & down. . . up & down . . ." "I'll bet." "No matr. U say Ur a ritr? U rite? "Yes" I replyd witily. "I'm an authr. I auth." "Hmmm. Anothr fan ritr was up 2 c me a few wks ago. Calld 'mself -- uh-- Boll-Weevil? -- Bowline? -- Gentlmn with teeth." "Wollheim?" "Thats rite. Hypnotic manr uv talking. B4 I knu it I was weeping on his sholdr & telling him matrs that wer nun uv his biznes. It was awful, Mr. Ashtray." "Azygous." "--Ah yes," Then came a chukl. "Wets so amusing?" askt I. Ansrd a nasal twang: "U wil hav 2 deposit a quartr 4 ovrtime, sirr-r-r-r!" I just was SESSO L. . . !