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Imagination, v. 1, issue 8, whole no. 8, May 1938
Page 11
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IMAGINATION! #8 38 May 11 WHY STF EDITORS GO NUTS By Jack Coburn Mr X Wrapright Editor, Queer: I am submitting a queerd tale I just wrote. It is handwirtten & the only paper I could paste is on. This is the best phantasyarn ever written but I shall let you have it at your usual rates. I want to do my own illustrating. --Mr Amander Speel. PS: You can get somebody in your office to punctuate the story. Dear Mr Speel: I am returning your ms, "How Love Found a Way on Mars", & regret it is not acceptable. --X Wrapright. Dear Mr Wrapright: I am sure there must be some mistake & that you didnt get to see my story. Probably the office boy sent it back & signd your name on the letter. Also the story came back with only 63c on the envelope instead of 66 & so I had to pay postage due. Do you think this is a good way to run a business? I am returning the story & hope you will read it this time. --Amander Speel. Dear Mr. Speel: Here is your story, "How Love Found a Way on Mars". Have read it personally for the 2d time & regret it will not do. Incidentally if you did not send return postage the firstime nor this time either for that matter. & why did you send it express collect? I am paying the full postage from this end. --X Wrapright. Dear Mr Wrapright: You ought to be ashamed of yourself. It's your fault my story keeps going from Podunk to New York & back again. If you really read it (but I don't think you did) you would agree with me that it is a masterpiece. All my friends say so; & Oscar, the oddjobsman who is a little toucht in the head, says it's just wonderful. I have about 50 friends who will buy the issue of your magazine in which it appears. I am returning my story to you & should appreciate a check rightaway. --A. Speel. Dear Mr Speel: I am very sorry but "How L. Found a W. on M." does now meet the requirements of this magazine. I appreciate your thotfulness in repeatedly submitting it to me but I must inform you flatly that I cannot buy the story. I am as usual paying the return postage. --XW Mr Wrapright: I am not a fool--you can't deceive me. You stole my story & I can prove it: In my story the hero goes to Mars & in the new issue of your magazine there is a story in which the villain goes to Mars. You can get away with this with some people but not me! If you do not send me a check rightaway I shall see a lawyer. I am inclosing my story. --A. Speel. My Dear Mr Speel: I should seriously advise you to leave Podunk immediately as directly after receiving your last letter Mr Wrapright emitted a loud scream & smasht the watercooler! He then bought a revolver & a railway ticket to Podunk. I am returning your ms by express prepaid as it is unavailable for our needs at this time. Won't you try us again? Cordially, Asst Ed, QT
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IMAGINATION! #8 38 May 11 WHY STF EDITORS GO NUTS By Jack Coburn Mr X Wrapright Editor, Queer: I am submitting a queerd tale I just wrote. It is handwirtten & the only paper I could paste is on. This is the best phantasyarn ever written but I shall let you have it at your usual rates. I want to do my own illustrating. --Mr Amander Speel. PS: You can get somebody in your office to punctuate the story. Dear Mr Speel: I am returning your ms, "How Love Found a Way on Mars", & regret it is not acceptable. --X Wrapright. Dear Mr Wrapright: I am sure there must be some mistake & that you didnt get to see my story. Probably the office boy sent it back & signd your name on the letter. Also the story came back with only 63c on the envelope instead of 66 & so I had to pay postage due. Do you think this is a good way to run a business? I am returning the story & hope you will read it this time. --Amander Speel. Dear Mr. Speel: Here is your story, "How Love Found a Way on Mars". Have read it personally for the 2d time & regret it will not do. Incidentally if you did not send return postage the firstime nor this time either for that matter. & why did you send it express collect? I am paying the full postage from this end. --X Wrapright. Dear Mr Wrapright: You ought to be ashamed of yourself. It's your fault my story keeps going from Podunk to New York & back again. If you really read it (but I don't think you did) you would agree with me that it is a masterpiece. All my friends say so; & Oscar, the oddjobsman who is a little toucht in the head, says it's just wonderful. I have about 50 friends who will buy the issue of your magazine in which it appears. I am returning my story to you & should appreciate a check rightaway. --A. Speel. Dear Mr Speel: I am very sorry but "How L. Found a W. on M." does now meet the requirements of this magazine. I appreciate your thotfulness in repeatedly submitting it to me but I must inform you flatly that I cannot buy the story. I am as usual paying the return postage. --XW Mr Wrapright: I am not a fool--you can't deceive me. You stole my story & I can prove it: In my story the hero goes to Mars & in the new issue of your magazine there is a story in which the villain goes to Mars. You can get away with this with some people but not me! If you do not send me a check rightaway I shall see a lawyer. I am inclosing my story. --A. Speel. My Dear Mr Speel: I should seriously advise you to leave Podunk immediately as directly after receiving your last letter Mr Wrapright emitted a loud scream & smasht the watercooler! He then bought a revolver & a railway ticket to Podunk. I am returning your ms by express prepaid as it is unavailable for our needs at this time. Won't you try us again? Cordially, Asst Ed, QT
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