DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Imagination, v. 1, issue 12, whole no. 12, September 1938

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Imagination, v. 1, issue 12, whole no. 12, September 1938

Page 12

12
HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL STF ED [signed] Herald Hershey
Editor: "Miss Twitchell, send me in a pack of manuscripts."
Stenog: "Yessir."
Ed: "Pick me out a story, Miss Twitchell.  What is the name is the story you have pickt?"
Og: "It's called Goona on the Moona, by Harry Kumquat."
Ed: "Quat did you say?  Ah, yes; Harry.  I knew his Dad well.  You should have seen that ape in a bathing suit!  He named Harry after his chest... Story sounds good; print it."
Miss T.: "Yessir."
Ed: "Pick out another now. (Pause) What's the title?"
Og: "Jumping Jupiter by I. Hophi."
"Sounds terrible.  Throw it out."
Og: "He's your wife's brother."
Ed: "Hey, what's the idea of throwing away a perfectly good story--give it here! --What's next?"
"The Adventures of Crash Boredom."
"Any relation to me, the author? 
"--No."
"Tear it up.  Next."
"Here's one by Morris J. Ackermonsk.  Space-time tale called To Mars Is Another Day."
--"How does it look to you?"
"Strait from the shoulder...nuts!"
--"We'll print it.  Get Lesso Gapesso to draw a picture Myrna Loy for the cover."
"But, boss, this isnt a movie mag!"
--"So sue me!  It makes the money!"
"How about a picture of Kumquat on the cover?"
--"We tryd that in '29 & look what happend to the country!  & no Author Cow Barns, neither--what do you think Russia revolted for something a Soviet?"
"How about that slogan contest?
--"Ah yes, I like this one: INCREDIBLE STORYS--'If it's a good story, it's incredible!'."
"We rcvd a message in a bottle this morning from the Pacificoast crowd, Defiant Friction Leag.  They're holding their meetings in rowboats on H'Wood Bd now."
--"I thot that flood was over."
"It is; but you know what vivid imaginations those guys've got...!"
                      ***
IMAGI-NIK-NAX [signed] Hezekiah's Dilemma!

A monstrous game is running rampant in New York's scientifiction circles, a nitemarish sort of continued story about a hero name Hezekiah & a villain called Homer Zilch.  Playd by such celebs as Weisinger & Campbell, it consists of getting Hezekiah into preposterous predicaments & leaving the next in line to extricate him.  A typical Campbell problem: "Zilch captures Hezekiah, ties him up   & welds steel bands around him.  He then puts him into a quartz globe, extremely friable.  In the globe is a sledge-hammer, nitric acid & a brush.  Around the sfor  another globe is built, also of fragile quartz, & the space between the 2 is filled with water.  Outside the 2d globe a steel shell is constructed & in the space within that rubydium is packt.  The idea is for Hezekiah to escape.  Since rubydium bursts into violent flame when it gets in contact with water--"

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12 HOW TO BE A SUCCESSFUL STF ED [signed] Herald Hershey Editor: "Miss Twitchell, send me in a pack of manuscripts." Stenog: "Yessir." Ed: "Pick me out a story, Miss Twitchell. What is the name is the story you have pickt?" Og: "It's called Goona on the Moona, by Harry Kumquat." Ed: "Quat did you say? Ah, yes; Harry. I knew his Dad well. You should have seen that ape in a bathing suit! He named Harry after his chest... Story sounds good; print it." Miss T.: "Yessir." Ed: "Pick out another now. (Pause) What's the title?" Og: "Jumping Jupiter by I. Hophi." "Sounds terrible. Throw it out." Og: "He's your wife's brother." Ed: "Hey, what's the idea of throwing away a perfectly good story--give it here! --What's next?" "The Adventures of Crash Boredom." "Any relation to me, the author? "--No." "Tear it up. Next." "Here's one by Morris J. Ackermonsk. Space-time tale called To Mars Is Another Day." --"How does it look to you?" "Strait from the shoulder...nuts!" --"We'll print it. Get Lesso Gapesso to draw a picture Myrna Loy for the cover." "But, boss, this isnt a movie mag!" --"So sue me! It makes the money!" "How about a picture of Kumquat on the cover?" --"We tryd that in '29 & look what happend to the country! & no Author Cow Barns, neither--what do you think Russia revolted for something a Soviet?" "How about that slogan contest? --"Ah yes, I like this one: INCREDIBLE STORYS--'If it's a good story, it's incredible!'." "We rcvd a message in a bottle this morning from the Pacificoast crowd, Defiant Friction Leag. They're holding their meetings in rowboats on H'Wood Bd now." --"I thot that flood was over." "It is; but you know what vivid imaginations those guys've got...!" *** IMAGI-NIK-NAX [signed] Hezekiah's Dilemma! A monstrous game is running rampant in New York's scientifiction circles, a nitemarish sort of continued story about a hero name Hezekiah & a villain called Homer Zilch. Playd by such celebs as Weisinger & Campbell, it consists of getting Hezekiah into preposterous predicaments & leaving the next in line to extricate him. A typical Campbell problem: "Zilch captures Hezekiah, ties him up & welds steel bands around him. He then puts him into a quartz globe, extremely friable. In the globe is a sledge-hammer, nitric acid & a brush. Around the sfor another globe is built, also of fragile quartz, & the space between the 2 is filled with water. Outside the 2d globe a steel shell is constructed & in the space within that rubydium is packt. The idea is for Hezekiah to escape. Since rubydium bursts into violent flame when it gets in contact with water--"