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Acolyte, v. 2, issue 3, whole no. 7, Summer 1944
Page 21
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hope and pray that he is right.... Out with Clara all evening. We saw "The Hunchback of Notre Dame", and later we sat in my car talking and planning until the small hours. She's knocked me for a loop, all right! Plans to keep her job for a while, at least. I wasn't wild about that, but I supposed it's quite the proper arrangement these days. My income is irregular, and my apartment isn't large enough for two. May 4---Well, it's done! I'm not sick or giddy, as I expected. Bullit gave me a local, and had the job finished within twenty minutes. He's good. I told him to throw the thing in the furnace, and he promised me he would. True, I lost so me blood, but less than I anticipated. I must be careful for a week or so, until the wound begins to heal.. Finished the first draft of my long African novel, and retouched a short story. I'm very pleased with my friend's surgery...perhaps I exaggerated the dire consequences of my situation. I shall know more about that a month from now. Heavy date with Clara again tomorrow night. I told her I wasn't feeling well today. Bullit says I can go about as usual, provided I don't wrench or twist my abdomen. Now, thank God! I shan't have to tell Clara; she will never know there was a thing wrong with me. I feel five years younger! Best frame of mind for months. When she called tonight, I had to lie about my health, but Doc says I'd better stay home and rest. He admires Clara, tells me I'm getting a swell girl. He doesn't know the half of it! May 5---Worked hard all morning. Went out with Clara in the evening. I didn't feel well, so we came home early. Twinges of pain in my right side. Healing reaction, I suppose. First operation I ever had, barring tonsils, and the relapse isn't pleasant. Two o'clock a. m. and still not sleep.... May 6---Felt tired and listless all morning, and in the afternoon went to see Bullit, although I wasn't scheduled to return so soon. He changed the bandage, and said the place is healing nicely, and there's no occasion for worry. He gave me some Nembutal tablets, and I hope I can sleep tonight. Called off going over to Clara's; she was disappointed. Can't help it if I don't feel right.... Should get busy on that short story about Mesmerism. Note: look up information at the library. May 8---Stayed home Tuesday, napping and reading and walking the floor. Very little sleep the last two nights. And very strange dreams. I know it's silly, but I dreamed I was seeing through the eyes of a very small creature, like a rat or gopher. Must forget these morbid fancies and take a walk. Have shelved the Mesmeric story, which I'm afraid was the cause of the odd visions. Clara was over a while this evening and wanted to take me for a drive; said that the night air would do me good. I refused. We had an argument.... It was my fault, curse the luck! I was in an ugly mood-- quite out of character with me. Told her about my dreams, and she said I'd better quit writing those wild, macabre stories. I flared up and told her I'd write whatever I damn well pleased. She flounced out of the apartment, calling back that she didn't intend to marry a pale-faced dreamer.... How utterly insane one becomes in an argument! I can't explain my sudden temper. I'll try to see her tomorrow and smoothe out the wrinkles, if possible. I'm really not myself these days, and often I feel as if my mind were partly unhinged. Of course, I know better than that. I must see Bullit tomorrow. I hope those accursed dreams won't haunt me again. I can scarcely sleep at all. May 9---At noon I 'phoned Clara's favorite lunch counter, but she wasn't there. I headed for Bullit's hospital, and met Clara coming out -- 21 --
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hope and pray that he is right.... Out with Clara all evening. We saw "The Hunchback of Notre Dame", and later we sat in my car talking and planning until the small hours. She's knocked me for a loop, all right! Plans to keep her job for a while, at least. I wasn't wild about that, but I supposed it's quite the proper arrangement these days. My income is irregular, and my apartment isn't large enough for two. May 4---Well, it's done! I'm not sick or giddy, as I expected. Bullit gave me a local, and had the job finished within twenty minutes. He's good. I told him to throw the thing in the furnace, and he promised me he would. True, I lost so me blood, but less than I anticipated. I must be careful for a week or so, until the wound begins to heal.. Finished the first draft of my long African novel, and retouched a short story. I'm very pleased with my friend's surgery...perhaps I exaggerated the dire consequences of my situation. I shall know more about that a month from now. Heavy date with Clara again tomorrow night. I told her I wasn't feeling well today. Bullit says I can go about as usual, provided I don't wrench or twist my abdomen. Now, thank God! I shan't have to tell Clara; she will never know there was a thing wrong with me. I feel five years younger! Best frame of mind for months. When she called tonight, I had to lie about my health, but Doc says I'd better stay home and rest. He admires Clara, tells me I'm getting a swell girl. He doesn't know the half of it! May 5---Worked hard all morning. Went out with Clara in the evening. I didn't feel well, so we came home early. Twinges of pain in my right side. Healing reaction, I suppose. First operation I ever had, barring tonsils, and the relapse isn't pleasant. Two o'clock a. m. and still not sleep.... May 6---Felt tired and listless all morning, and in the afternoon went to see Bullit, although I wasn't scheduled to return so soon. He changed the bandage, and said the place is healing nicely, and there's no occasion for worry. He gave me some Nembutal tablets, and I hope I can sleep tonight. Called off going over to Clara's; she was disappointed. Can't help it if I don't feel right.... Should get busy on that short story about Mesmerism. Note: look up information at the library. May 8---Stayed home Tuesday, napping and reading and walking the floor. Very little sleep the last two nights. And very strange dreams. I know it's silly, but I dreamed I was seeing through the eyes of a very small creature, like a rat or gopher. Must forget these morbid fancies and take a walk. Have shelved the Mesmeric story, which I'm afraid was the cause of the odd visions. Clara was over a while this evening and wanted to take me for a drive; said that the night air would do me good. I refused. We had an argument.... It was my fault, curse the luck! I was in an ugly mood-- quite out of character with me. Told her about my dreams, and she said I'd better quit writing those wild, macabre stories. I flared up and told her I'd write whatever I damn well pleased. She flounced out of the apartment, calling back that she didn't intend to marry a pale-faced dreamer.... How utterly insane one becomes in an argument! I can't explain my sudden temper. I'll try to see her tomorrow and smoothe out the wrinkles, if possible. I'm really not myself these days, and often I feel as if my mind were partly unhinged. Of course, I know better than that. I must see Bullit tomorrow. I hope those accursed dreams won't haunt me again. I can scarcely sleep at all. May 9---At noon I 'phoned Clara's favorite lunch counter, but she wasn't there. I headed for Bullit's hospital, and met Clara coming out -- 21 --
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