DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Southern Star, v. 1, issue 3, August 1941

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Southern Star, v. 1, issue 3, August 1941

Page 7

CONVERSATIONS ON MT. EVEREST
by
PAUL H. KLINGBIEL
. Mt. Everest -     - Humor -

"Assuming everything you say is true, Donn; assuming that Prof. Gonipuss has been deeply hurt by that remark of Marion's about weak minds likeing his column in FRONTIER (Phil Schumann, 2767 N. 41st St. Milwaukee, Wis. Club organ, and a darn good 'un. 'Sonly a dime, or better still, a quarter'll bring you three. JG)), I really can't see where or how. His sudden disappearance, though disconcerting, does not necessarily imply anything sinister. He may be out of town on business; and, if you want my candid opinion, it's probably 'blonde business' at that." 
Donn bit his lip. "I wish I could agree with you," he said at last, "however . . . "

Donn paused. I could see he was laboring under a terrific mental strain. His hands were shaking like reeds in a gale, and since Betty suddenly clutched wildly for support, I suppose his knees were shaking, too. My friend's evident grief pained me, and because of that I magnamiously offered to hold Betty for him until he was in better spirits, but he would have none of it. Nevertheless, my offer and the sincerity in which it was made touched him deeply. With sudden resolve he determined to speak.
"Paul," he said, "you are my friend. I was going to say nothing at first, but I see I must. I had a talk with the Prof. after he found out about Marion's remark. He was sunk in deepest despair because he felt he was seriously offending. 'Never again,' he said, 'will Prof. Gonipuss appear in FRONTIER.' I tried to soothe him, Paul, but it was of no use. 'When people offend as I evidently have' moaned Gonipuss, 'there is only one thing for them to do. I will do it.'
Donn broke down completely. Even his iron nerve was cracking under the strain! Betty gently rubbed his nose in sympathy and Donn returned the affectionate gesture vigorously.
Patting Betty's head reassuringly, I gently asked Donn point blank where it was that Gonipuss had gone.
"Can't you guess?" he said. "I told you he felt he had offended."
My mouth dropped open with sudden horror as an inquisitive fly buzzed in. "Not to . . . to —?" I choked.
"Yes," said Donn, "he went to a NESNES joint!"
I gave an explosive gasp of dismay and out came the fly. "Why this is terrible!" I said with evident relief. "Do you know that they actually sell . . .?" The thought was so horrible, I could not voice it.
Donn's tear-stained face peeped out at me from under Betty's arm, and I saw that he, too, was horrified.
I grabbed my hat, chased the pestiferous fly, and buzzed off! As I zoomed past I gave Betty's hand a reassuring squeeze, and then I was gone. Certainly Gonipuss did not believe that he had offended to the extent that he must seek relief thru the agency of that . . . that vile Eastern concoction. Just to think of brown juice drooling from his mouth and defiling that patriachal beard made me faint at heart.
I clenched my teeth and raced on, promising myself that if Gonipuss came to any harm through a statement made by an irresponsible girl, I would personally see to it that she got her just deserts.
Finally the harmless-looking entrance of the NESNES joint came into view. This was the dreaded, dreadful spot that Abdul Alhazred could scarcely bring himself to speak of in that soul-searing tome, the NECRONICON.
I hesitated, fearful of what I might find within the cavernous

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CONVERSATIONS ON MT. EVEREST by PAUL H. KLINGBIEL . Mt. Everest - - Humor - "Assuming everything you say is true, Donn; assuming that Prof. Gonipuss has been deeply hurt by that remark of Marion's about weak minds likeing his column in FRONTIER (Phil Schumann, 2767 N. 41st St. Milwaukee, Wis. Club organ, and a darn good 'un. 'Sonly a dime, or better still, a quarter'll bring you three. JG)), I really can't see where or how. His sudden disappearance, though disconcerting, does not necessarily imply anything sinister. He may be out of town on business; and, if you want my candid opinion, it's probably 'blonde business' at that." Donn bit his lip. "I wish I could agree with you," he said at last, "however . . . " Donn paused. I could see he was laboring under a terrific mental strain. His hands were shaking like reeds in a gale, and since Betty suddenly clutched wildly for support, I suppose his knees were shaking, too. My friend's evident grief pained me, and because of that I magnamiously offered to hold Betty for him until he was in better spirits, but he would have none of it. Nevertheless, my offer and the sincerity in which it was made touched him deeply. With sudden resolve he determined to speak. "Paul," he said, "you are my friend. I was going to say nothing at first, but I see I must. I had a talk with the Prof. after he found out about Marion's remark. He was sunk in deepest despair because he felt he was seriously offending. 'Never again,' he said, 'will Prof. Gonipuss appear in FRONTIER.' I tried to soothe him, Paul, but it was of no use. 'When people offend as I evidently have' moaned Gonipuss, 'there is only one thing for them to do. I will do it.' Donn broke down completely. Even his iron nerve was cracking under the strain! Betty gently rubbed his nose in sympathy and Donn returned the affectionate gesture vigorously. Patting Betty's head reassuringly, I gently asked Donn point blank where it was that Gonipuss had gone. "Can't you guess?" he said. "I told you he felt he had offended." My mouth dropped open with sudden horror as an inquisitive fly buzzed in. "Not to . . . to —?" I choked. "Yes," said Donn, "he went to a NESNES joint!" I gave an explosive gasp of dismay and out came the fly. "Why this is terrible!" I said with evident relief. "Do you know that they actually sell . . .?" The thought was so horrible, I could not voice it. Donn's tear-stained face peeped out at me from under Betty's arm, and I saw that he, too, was horrified. I grabbed my hat, chased the pestiferous fly, and buzzed off! As I zoomed past I gave Betty's hand a reassuring squeeze, and then I was gone. Certainly Gonipuss did not believe that he had offended to the extent that he must seek relief thru the agency of that . . . that vile Eastern concoction. Just to think of brown juice drooling from his mouth and defiling that patriachal beard made me faint at heart. I clenched my teeth and raced on, promising myself that if Gonipuss came to any harm through a statement made by an irresponsible girl, I would personally see to it that she got her just deserts. Finally the harmless-looking entrance of the NESNES joint came into view. This was the dreaded, dreadful spot that Abdul Alhazred could scarcely bring himself to speak of in that soul-searing tome, the NECRONICON. I hesitated, fearful of what I might find within the cavernous