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Southern Star, v. 1, issue 3, August 1941
Page 23
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SPACE PI ATE S S I LIKE SPACE PIRATE STORIES . . by-- Philip A. Schumann I like Space-Pirate Stories. You may say what you will, they are the nicest type in the world. Time yarns are nice. But they are not so nice as Space-Pirate Stories. I have been told that time stories are elegant. But I cannot enjoy one. There are always tin time-machines. All the inventors are fuzzy-haired fuddleduddles. There is too much voltage in the dang thing. If one travels, he's stranded. The queer invention stories are nice. But they are not so nice as Space-Pirate Stories. All the good inventions are yanked by the villain. The nasty machines are destroyed. In the end. All the plots are the same. There is always a superior amount. A superior amount of mad scientists. If anyone invents an invention he gets killed. By it. It gets the villain, too. Too bad. I like villains. Sneer. Not heroes. Hiss. And machines. Clank. I like Space-Pirate Stories. There are many lousy pirates. True. But they are nasty and brutal. Often. And the hero sometimes wins. Pshaw. Time machine heroes are all right. In Space-Pirate Stories they use them, too. But for men that died before the opening of the story. Time-Machine Heroes are wonderful mathematicians. They never drop an equation. Calculus is for idiots. They are idiots. They get lost in the ages. They break their instruments. (Continued on next page)
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SPACE PI ATE S S I LIKE SPACE PIRATE STORIES . . by-- Philip A. Schumann I like Space-Pirate Stories. You may say what you will, they are the nicest type in the world. Time yarns are nice. But they are not so nice as Space-Pirate Stories. I have been told that time stories are elegant. But I cannot enjoy one. There are always tin time-machines. All the inventors are fuzzy-haired fuddleduddles. There is too much voltage in the dang thing. If one travels, he's stranded. The queer invention stories are nice. But they are not so nice as Space-Pirate Stories. All the good inventions are yanked by the villain. The nasty machines are destroyed. In the end. All the plots are the same. There is always a superior amount. A superior amount of mad scientists. If anyone invents an invention he gets killed. By it. It gets the villain, too. Too bad. I like villains. Sneer. Not heroes. Hiss. And machines. Clank. I like Space-Pirate Stories. There are many lousy pirates. True. But they are nasty and brutal. Often. And the hero sometimes wins. Pshaw. Time machine heroes are all right. In Space-Pirate Stories they use them, too. But for men that died before the opening of the story. Time-Machine Heroes are wonderful mathematicians. They never drop an equation. Calculus is for idiots. They are idiots. They get lost in the ages. They break their instruments. (Continued on next page)
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