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Ain't I A Woman? newspapers, June 1970-July 1971
1971-04-02 "Ain't I a Woman?" Page 5
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ISOLATION & OUTSIDE INFLUENCES [photo to right of words] The women's collective formed around one basic issue and commitment -- feminism -- and indeed, before even that concept had been fully defined. Acquainted with one another only , in some cases, through attendance at women's liberation front business meetings, we planned (idealistically) in the beginning that we would use the living collective to fulfill a need to relate to a small intimate group of women in order to do disciplined study and growth and work. We believed that a commitment to women's liberation issues would allow us to relate to all and any woman, that prior life-styles, interests, influences would have minimal effects on our relationships with new sisters. In effect, we thought we could cast aside 20 years of another life upon entering the women's living collective. Immediately after taking the house, we were faced with redefining our collective role, given that the restructuring of the women's liberation front into a cell system had fulfilled our need for small group relating. Because of the great amount of time and energy that we were putting into the new cells (publication project, setting up childcare centers, etc) this redefinition of our collective role, I think, was never adequately done. Almost from the beginning we have up the idea of working in and through the collective at other projects than simply making the house run, and began to view it as little more than an alternative living situation for women. Not spending a great deal of time together in discussing various issues and various politics, early in the fall a crisis developed around the issue of childcare and the participation of males in it. Not wishing to over-emphasize this particular incident in the life of the collective, I, however, feel it to be a paradigmatic example of the extent to which members of the house had grown apart due largely to their experiences in political activities outside the house. The misunderstandings and passions that accompanied any discussion of childcare for those several weeks reflected the lack of communication among us, drew the first charges of "hard line politics" and in my mind, created serious divisions in not only the house but in wlf in general from which neither have ever completely recovered. The immediate implication of the childcare debates was distrust of one another and the creation of a tension that made for one, the living collective a very uncomfortable place to live in. Needing support and respect for our differing ideas (and politics), a few women began going outside the collective to relate to other women, other groups, indeed, other men. One does not just "go outside" and return unchanged. Either in leaving the house, we began to develop other interests -- those of new friends -- or even in staying in the house, we either began to withdraw from one another into safer parts of our lives, if these new interests or other aspects of our lives did not receive support from other house women, we again felt a need to "go outside" for support in those areas. Snowball. I can remember one conversation I had with another woman, expressing to her my guilt for spending so much time outside the collective. Her response was: don't worry too much, no one is spending much time around here. On the other hand, that woman's remark was very good for me in that it erased am amount of guilt that is always a significant factor in how one relates to a situation. On the other hand, it told me that the collective spirit had not only vanished in me, but in all the other women. The situation at the present time is that every single woman is most significantly involved with someone(s) outside the house. Today, it is very easy for any one woman to have the feeling of abandonment from other women in the collective -- in general or at any one single moment or evening. There was a discussion several weeks ago about forming a "friday night cell" which would plan activities for women who found themselves alone with nothing to do while other women were out having a good time. When one woman not involved questioned this, she was told that some women did not have a lot of outside friends; that after she had gone, she did not realize that some women were left feeling isolated inside the house. Isolation. Part of this was caused by women outside the collective viewing us, incorrectly, as heavy women who didn't need or want them. They did not relate to the collective. Part of it was caused by women from the collective, who for one or another of many reasons, had split. Isolation inside, from the collective, has taken two forms and I do not want to emphasize this too greatly because I believe there are altogether too many divisions among women already. But for the moment distinguishing the two forms of isolation may be important to understanding (something). For here, this distinction might be what I have chosen to call the internal women and the external women. (1) The internal woman is she who identifies primarily with the house, who is very involved with its activities, and who feels isolated from the outside because of her involvement. (2) The external woman is she who is greatly involved in activities outside the house, either because of demanding work outside the house or because she prefers to spend more time relating to women outside the house. She may feel a sense of isolation from the workings of the house, from decisions that are made in her absence that she may not hear about expect in some happenstance way. Both of these forms of isolation have developed unabated because of the lack of discussion about them, prior to the writing of this article. My feelings about these issues are mixed. On the one hand, I am terribly disappointed that we have failed to rectify and move beyond our present problems. On the other hand, my sense is that we did not adequately foresee the problems that arose, and when they did arise, we took them as isolated incidents. I have one theory that I do not, incidentally, like that might help explain one of our problems. I hope it will either be thrown out or refined; it is this: a woman, to become involved i the feminist movement at this early period of its development and acceptance, is probably a rather independently strong woman. ( I really do hate this theory -- it's elitist) As she becomes involved she finds she must fight very hard for the things she believes are correct -- and this fighting, again is on two fronts: contra-revisionism (toward furthering revolutionary thought and activities. She must become tough on herself and she must be tough on others (both hedging sisters and the general fucked-up outside.) Creating a living space separated from the battle outside, only to have to live more aware of the battle inside ourselves, to never relax, to always mistrust ourselves and our sisters is a fucking hard job. I don't think any human being can indefinitely sustain this atmosphere...... livingcollectivelivingcollectivelivingcollectivelivingcollectivelivingcollectivelivingcollective 5
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ISOLATION & OUTSIDE INFLUENCES [photo to right of words] The women's collective formed around one basic issue and commitment -- feminism -- and indeed, before even that concept had been fully defined. Acquainted with one another only , in some cases, through attendance at women's liberation front business meetings, we planned (idealistically) in the beginning that we would use the living collective to fulfill a need to relate to a small intimate group of women in order to do disciplined study and growth and work. We believed that a commitment to women's liberation issues would allow us to relate to all and any woman, that prior life-styles, interests, influences would have minimal effects on our relationships with new sisters. In effect, we thought we could cast aside 20 years of another life upon entering the women's living collective. Immediately after taking the house, we were faced with redefining our collective role, given that the restructuring of the women's liberation front into a cell system had fulfilled our need for small group relating. Because of the great amount of time and energy that we were putting into the new cells (publication project, setting up childcare centers, etc) this redefinition of our collective role, I think, was never adequately done. Almost from the beginning we have up the idea of working in and through the collective at other projects than simply making the house run, and began to view it as little more than an alternative living situation for women. Not spending a great deal of time together in discussing various issues and various politics, early in the fall a crisis developed around the issue of childcare and the participation of males in it. Not wishing to over-emphasize this particular incident in the life of the collective, I, however, feel it to be a paradigmatic example of the extent to which members of the house had grown apart due largely to their experiences in political activities outside the house. The misunderstandings and passions that accompanied any discussion of childcare for those several weeks reflected the lack of communication among us, drew the first charges of "hard line politics" and in my mind, created serious divisions in not only the house but in wlf in general from which neither have ever completely recovered. The immediate implication of the childcare debates was distrust of one another and the creation of a tension that made for one, the living collective a very uncomfortable place to live in. Needing support and respect for our differing ideas (and politics), a few women began going outside the collective to relate to other women, other groups, indeed, other men. One does not just "go outside" and return unchanged. Either in leaving the house, we began to develop other interests -- those of new friends -- or even in staying in the house, we either began to withdraw from one another into safer parts of our lives, if these new interests or other aspects of our lives did not receive support from other house women, we again felt a need to "go outside" for support in those areas. Snowball. I can remember one conversation I had with another woman, expressing to her my guilt for spending so much time outside the collective. Her response was: don't worry too much, no one is spending much time around here. On the other hand, that woman's remark was very good for me in that it erased am amount of guilt that is always a significant factor in how one relates to a situation. On the other hand, it told me that the collective spirit had not only vanished in me, but in all the other women. The situation at the present time is that every single woman is most significantly involved with someone(s) outside the house. Today, it is very easy for any one woman to have the feeling of abandonment from other women in the collective -- in general or at any one single moment or evening. There was a discussion several weeks ago about forming a "friday night cell" which would plan activities for women who found themselves alone with nothing to do while other women were out having a good time. When one woman not involved questioned this, she was told that some women did not have a lot of outside friends; that after she had gone, she did not realize that some women were left feeling isolated inside the house. Isolation. Part of this was caused by women outside the collective viewing us, incorrectly, as heavy women who didn't need or want them. They did not relate to the collective. Part of it was caused by women from the collective, who for one or another of many reasons, had split. Isolation inside, from the collective, has taken two forms and I do not want to emphasize this too greatly because I believe there are altogether too many divisions among women already. But for the moment distinguishing the two forms of isolation may be important to understanding (something). For here, this distinction might be what I have chosen to call the internal women and the external women. (1) The internal woman is she who identifies primarily with the house, who is very involved with its activities, and who feels isolated from the outside because of her involvement. (2) The external woman is she who is greatly involved in activities outside the house, either because of demanding work outside the house or because she prefers to spend more time relating to women outside the house. She may feel a sense of isolation from the workings of the house, from decisions that are made in her absence that she may not hear about expect in some happenstance way. Both of these forms of isolation have developed unabated because of the lack of discussion about them, prior to the writing of this article. My feelings about these issues are mixed. On the one hand, I am terribly disappointed that we have failed to rectify and move beyond our present problems. On the other hand, my sense is that we did not adequately foresee the problems that arose, and when they did arise, we took them as isolated incidents. I have one theory that I do not, incidentally, like that might help explain one of our problems. I hope it will either be thrown out or refined; it is this: a woman, to become involved i the feminist movement at this early period of its development and acceptance, is probably a rather independently strong woman. ( I really do hate this theory -- it's elitist) As she becomes involved she finds she must fight very hard for the things she believes are correct -- and this fighting, again is on two fronts: contra-revisionism (toward furthering revolutionary thought and activities. She must become tough on herself and she must be tough on others (both hedging sisters and the general fucked-up outside.) Creating a living space separated from the battle outside, only to have to live more aware of the battle inside ourselves, to never relax, to always mistrust ourselves and our sisters is a fucking hard job. I don't think any human being can indefinitely sustain this atmosphere...... livingcollectivelivingcollectivelivingcollectivelivingcollectivelivingcollectivelivingcollective 5
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