DIY History | Transcribe | Campus Culture | Ain't I A Woman? newspapers, June 1970-July 1971

Transcribe
Translate

Ain't I A Woman? newspapers, June 1970-July 1971

1971-04-30 "Ain't I a Woman?" Page 3

[hand drawn woman's face in middle of page]

One of the hardest things for me to deal with is leaving the women of the AIAW collective, here in Iowa City.

Before I came here, without a doubt, I was a girl whose heterosexual committment was indisputable. I think that I really believed all those books, (starting with the bible), the movies and all other misinformation that our society calls the socialization of a young girl into her role of woman. Its funny, because I was sure that I didn't believe the lies that they told me in Hebrew School or from my parents. What I didn't know is that every word that men wrote into the dictionary was a lie, that words are designed and defined to fit our usefullness to men. I knew that my relationships with men, my ideas would not be listened to, but I never considered my woman friends in any other way than people to live with for a while until I met a man and lived with him. I never realized that the close emotional relationships I had with my girlfriends were as valid with regard to a committment to each other, as a relationship with a man might be. One of my girlfriends told me she was in love with me and I thought she was "dragging me down" to some horrible perversion. Actually I thought she wanted to "control" me. I never gave her the support she needed, because I was totally male-oriented. Because I felt extremely uncomfortable around men and very rarely dated, my parents first called me "an intellectual", and then accused me of being a lesbian which caused me hysteria, vomiting and I'm sure the beginning of several stomach ailments which later followed. I guess they felt it was "unnatural" for a girl to spend so much time by herself, painting, or with girlfriends. I studied art, which is the only respectable option given to freaks, and for a while thought I had found a place with people I could be comfortable with, and who would listen to me. Except the art world is a male world, and it was that, I think, that made me venture into the women's movement. I felt that I had no choice. I began to realize how impossible it was to be an independant woman in a male-world. I got the usual sexist bullshit encouragement from all the men teachers I had in art school, but there were no women artist-teachers around that I could identify with. It took me a while to realize that this situation was not uncommon in any of the schools in this country, which meant that one of the few ways an artist could earn money with time free to pursue her own work was denied to a woman, so that she was effectively cut off before she had a chance to mature. 

About AIAW- I came here because I wanted to see what it was like to work with woman only. First of all no one raised her voice, and everyone waited for each person to speak, and everyone was listened to, and everyone's ideas and experiences were considered relevant. 

Now 8 months later- how do I relearn to love women? My previous experiences with love were if I like a guy I went to bed with him, where all personal problems were displayed and possibly discussed, the sexual relationship was the main part of the relationship, with anger, frustration all tied up with sex.

Here we are, 9 women, and when it comes to discussing our anger, & frustration within our group I feel impotent to react, because I don't feel I can break that intellectual barrier we have set up in our meetings. A barrier that excludes personal relationships with one another. In trying to relate honestly, I feel very close to all of you, yet I am withdrawn emotionally. I live with a man and this is a contradiction to my feelings about woman and I am scared of relating emotionally to a group, because all my previous experience has been with individuals.

A few weeks ago, Pat expressed rage and resentment over our inability to deal with her anger and frustration about doing the shit work which we then make collective decisions about. Instead of dealing with her rage, we tried to band-aid the situation. I experience that very thing in my relationship to a man, that never dealing with the personal, but instead with the situation. I got so upset as to put myself into situations where I would be forced to miss the next 2 collective meetings, all the time rationalizing why I was doing it. What I am trying to say is that our collective seems somewhat the same to me (in my limited heterosexual experience) to other personal-emotional relationships, yet we do draw lines and this I find confusing and frustrating. I don't know if we could work better if we related to each other in a more personal way.

But can we be in love with each other in our collective, without any physicality? We were going to talk about asexuality but never did, and have never talked about sex in any way.

What I still don't know is what I want from a collective - woman experience. Everytime I experience moments where I see glimmers of what its about, I feel frightened because of the amount of love I feel, sort of an opening of all the protected areas of myself.

The other thing I feel most strongly is the contradiction I feel by relating to the man I live with. At this point I can't see any way of relating to both men and women emotionally, which probably adds to my frustration and inability to act, which leads back to committment and discipline. I missed 2 meetings because I couldn't deal with my personal  feelings in the group, (this whole thing is very me- oriented and self indulgent, but I don't know how to express it any other way). How much does the contradiction in my emotions extend into the discipline during meetings, and result in an inconsistancy of action?

In raising these questions I think the amount of time we are willing or able to
spend with each other should be considered. We meet between 8-14 hours a week, some some of us live with men, and some of us are not intending to stay in Iowa City due to other committments.

I think the inconsistancy between intellectual analysis and actions will continue to lead to incredible frustration. That total dedication for a revolutionary change, which the woman who is involved in struggling and fighting for woman is engaged in, I find lacking in myself. I think this is due to the way I continue to live, and how much of what I have learned (called middle-class priveleges) I am unwilling to give up.

The more I identify with woman, the stronger I feel what it means to be a woman in this world ruled by men. Without the women in this collective, I could never have developed the strength I needed to recognize the potentiality for change in myself, to understand what it means to love a woman. I wish the time was now that the anger, hatred and resentment I have learned could be forgotten and that the love you have shown me could be reciprocated. 


Women's Center
   we don't all know the whole store on how the WOMEN'S CENTER first came about. some women knew we needed a place and now we've got one. it was a quonset hut in finkbine park; living room, kitchen, two bedrooms, bathroom and some closet space. no it's the WOMEN'S CENTER at 1108 finkbine; one large telephone-reception-sitting-party room, one kitchen, one play room, one crashing room, a bathroom, some closet space (literature storing).
   the WOMEN'S CENTER has begun with the idea that man iowa city women have no way of meeting other women to develop strong friendships, often, women just want to get away from families or roommates for awhile. women still don't have easy access to information such as where to go for abortion referral, birth control, good women's literature, how to get in touch with existing women's groups. lots of women want a consciousness-raising group but don't know where to go for that. now there is a place to go or a number to call for all these things. the number is 338-9577, listed under SISTER POWER in directory assistance. 
   the WOMEN'S CENTER can also be a meeting place for women's groups already involved in women's liberation. there are quite a few cells existing in iowa city and some of us don't know of the others or what work other cells are doing. the WOMEN'S CENTER will house a speakers' bureau involving as many women as possible who are able to speak to high schools, groups, etc. we hope to get a typewriter and a mimeo graph machine so that we can pool our information and literature at the CENTER.
  we need lots of support. our rent is $68 a month and we will have a phone bill. we have enough of a staff right now to keep the phone covered from 12 to 8 p.m. daily and we're hoping that women will come over on friday and saturday nights to rap. but we can use as much staff help as we can get. (the staff meetings are every sunday at 4:30 in the WOMEN'S CENTER And are open for any woman interested). the CENTER will be unlocked 24 hours a day, if someone is crashing there, she will, of course, be able to lock the door from the inside.
   it's our place, sisters, and it's O.K.!

A Woman?    April 30, 1971    Page 3

Saving...

[hand drawn woman's face in middle of page] One of the hardest things for me to deal with is leaving the women of the AIAW collective, here in Iowa City. Before I came here, without a doubt, I was a girl whose heterosexual committment was indisputable. I think that I really believed all those books, (starting with the bible), the movies and all other misinformation that our society calls the socialization of a young girl into her role of woman. Its funny, because I was sure that I didn't believe the lies that they told me in Hebrew School or from my parents. What I didn't know is that every word that men wrote into the dictionary was a lie, that words are designed and defined to fit our usefullness to men. I knew that my relationships with men, my ideas would not be listened to, but I never considered my woman friends in any other way than people to live with for a while until I met a man and lived with him. I never realized that the close emotional relationships I had with my girlfriends were as valid with regard to a committment to each other, as a relationship with a man might be. One of my girlfriends told me she was in love with me and I thought she was "dragging me down" to some horrible perversion. Actually I thought she wanted to "control" me. I never gave her the support she needed, because I was totally male-oriented. Because I felt extremely uncomfortable around men and very rarely dated, my parents first called me "an intellectual", and then accused me of being a lesbian which caused me hysteria, vomiting and I'm sure the beginning of several stomach ailments which later followed. I guess they felt it was "unnatural" for a girl to spend so much time by herself, painting, or with girlfriends. I studied art, which is the only respectable option given to freaks, and for a while thought I had found a place with people I could be comfortable with, and who would listen to me. Except the art world is a male world, and it was that, I think, that made me venture into the women's movement. I felt that I had no choice. I began to realize how impossible it was to be an independant woman in a male-world. I got the usual sexist bullshit encouragement from all the men teachers I had in art school, but there were no women artist-teachers around that I could identify with. It took me a while to realize that this situation was not uncommon in any of the schools in this country, which meant that one of the few ways an artist could earn money with time free to pursue her own work was denied to a woman, so that she was effectively cut off before she had a chance to mature. About AIAW- I came here because I wanted to see what it was like to work with woman only. First of all no one raised her voice, and everyone waited for each person to speak, and everyone was listened to, and everyone's ideas and experiences were considered relevant. Now 8 months later- how do I relearn to love women? My previous experiences with love were if I like a guy I went to bed with him, where all personal problems were displayed and possibly discussed, the sexual relationship was the main part of the relationship, with anger, frustration all tied up with sex. Here we are, 9 women, and when it comes to discussing our anger, & frustration within our group I feel impotent to react, because I don't feel I can break that intellectual barrier we have set up in our meetings. A barrier that excludes personal relationships with one another. In trying to relate honestly, I feel very close to all of you, yet I am withdrawn emotionally. I live with a man and this is a contradiction to my feelings about woman and I am scared of relating emotionally to a group, because all my previous experience has been with individuals. A few weeks ago, Pat expressed rage and resentment over our inability to deal with her anger and frustration about doing the shit work which we then make collective decisions about. Instead of dealing with her rage, we tried to band-aid the situation. I experience that very thing in my relationship to a man, that never dealing with the personal, but instead with the situation. I got so upset as to put myself into situations where I would be forced to miss the next 2 collective meetings, all the time rationalizing why I was doing it. What I am trying to say is that our collective seems somewhat the same to me (in my limited heterosexual experience) to other personal-emotional relationships, yet we do draw lines and this I find confusing and frustrating. I don't know if we could work better if we related to each other in a more personal way. But can we be in love with each other in our collective, without any physicality? We were going to talk about asexuality but never did, and have never talked about sex in any way. What I still don't know is what I want from a collective - woman experience. Everytime I experience moments where I see glimmers of what its about, I feel frightened because of the amount of love I feel, sort of an opening of all the protected areas of myself. The other thing I feel most strongly is the contradiction I feel by relating to the man I live with. At this point I can't see any way of relating to both men and women emotionally, which probably adds to my frustration and inability to act, which leads back to committment and discipline. I missed 2 meetings because I couldn't deal with my personal feelings in the group, (this whole thing is very me- oriented and self indulgent, but I don't know how to express it any other way). How much does the contradiction in my emotions extend into the discipline during meetings, and result in an inconsistancy of action? In raising these questions I think the amount of time we are willing or able to spend with each other should be considered. We meet between 8-14 hours a week, some some of us live with men, and some of us are not intending to stay in Iowa City due to other committments. I think the inconsistancy between intellectual analysis and actions will continue to lead to incredible frustration. That total dedication for a revolutionary change, which the woman who is involved in struggling and fighting for woman is engaged in, I find lacking in myself. I think this is due to the way I continue to live, and how much of what I have learned (called middle-class priveleges) I am unwilling to give up. The more I identify with woman, the stronger I feel what it means to be a woman in this world ruled by men. Without the women in this collective, I could never have developed the strength I needed to recognize the potentiality for change in myself, to understand what it means to love a woman. I wish the time was now that the anger, hatred and resentment I have learned could be forgotten and that the love you have shown me could be reciprocated. Women's Center we don't all know the whole store on how the WOMEN'S CENTER first came about. some women knew we needed a place and now we've got one. it was a quonset hut in finkbine park; living room, kitchen, two bedrooms, bathroom and some closet space. no it's the WOMEN'S CENTER at 1108 finkbine; one large telephone-reception-sitting-party room, one kitchen, one play room, one crashing room, a bathroom, some closet space (literature storing). the WOMEN'S CENTER has begun with the idea that man iowa city women have no way of meeting other women to develop strong friendships, often, women just want to get away from families or roommates for awhile. women still don't have easy access to information such as where to go for abortion referral, birth control, good women's literature, how to get in touch with existing women's groups. lots of women want a consciousness-raising group but don't know where to go for that. now there is a place to go or a number to call for all these things. the number is 338-9577, listed under SISTER POWER in directory assistance. the WOMEN'S CENTER can also be a meeting place for women's groups already involved in women's liberation. there are quite a few cells existing in iowa city and some of us don't know of the others or what work other cells are doing. the WOMEN'S CENTER will house a speakers' bureau involving as many women as possible who are able to speak to high schools, groups, etc. we hope to get a typewriter and a mimeo graph machine so that we can pool our information and literature at the CENTER. we need lots of support. our rent is $68 a month and we will have a phone bill. we have enough of a staff right now to keep the phone covered from 12 to 8 p.m. daily and we're hoping that women will come over on friday and saturday nights to rap. but we can use as much staff help as we can get. (the staff meetings are every sunday at 4:30 in the WOMEN'S CENTER And are open for any woman interested). the CENTER will be unlocked 24 hours a day, if someone is crashing there, she will, of course, be able to lock the door from the inside. it's our place, sisters, and it's O.K.! A Woman? April 30, 1971 Page 3