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Fan-Atic, v. 2, issue 1, whole no. 4, July 1941
Page 7
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FAN-ATIC 7 CAB, AMACHOR DETECTIVE Yeah, the versatile country squire of Harrington Park has turned defective. (Oops, "detective"!) Latest reports from the New Jersey Detective HQ are that the baffled New Jersey police have finally called upon CAB to solve a series of mysterious mysteries which have been baffling them. And the strange thing about these mysteries is that they have been happening to CAB himself. Since CAB was too busy advising FDR on the foreign situation(s) he turned this matter over the NJ Police, only to discover that these worthies were too busy keeping Moskowitz and Hague apart to do anything but turn the case back to CAB. Here, dear friend, is the story: Shortly after the Denvention we received an air-mail letter from Denver, postmarked as of July 10; a few days later we received another letter from Denver, by ordinary mail this time, but postmarked the same day. Both were the type of letter one might expect to receive from the inmate of a loony-bin after having been on a binge for some two or three weeks, drinking denatured alcohol laced with ether. Just the type of thing a fan at a convention might commit. It would be a sheer waste of space to print them both, so we'll print the first one, which incidentally was the shorter and saner of the two. The other, which I'd much prefer printing, is too long, over a page elite. This one was addressed to "Mr. Charles G. Beling, La Roach Avenue,"...It purported to come from one "Albert E. Smythe of 1329 Lafayette, Denver, Colorado." Frankly, we were suspicious of that "Smythe". The letter follows; and after the letter, our deductions as to the 2 criminals: Mr. Charles G. Beling Editor: The Fan-Atic Magazine Harrington Park, New Jersey Dear Mr. Beling: I have read various reviews of your fine publication in many other outstanding fan publications. I have always been meaning to send in my subscription to your wonderful magazine, but unfortunately I have fifteen children and have been out of a job until quite recently and as you can readily see have not had the cash to go around subscribing to fan magazines even as outstanding as Fan-Atic Digest which I have seen advertised in various other fan publications and have seen reviewed in various fan publications which have given you quite enthusiastic reviews of your fine outstanding magazine. However, lately I have been getting quite a large salary for a science fiction fan and have been seriously thinking of publishing a fan publication of my very own. It will be entitled "Fantascientifiction Digest" or perhaps "Scientifictional Romances". The thought has entered my mind (heh, heh, heh) that you might be willing to exchange with me although I fully realize that my magazine will never equal yours in quality or quantity. Please write me ari mail special delivery as to whether you will accept my proposition or not. Very Scientifictionallyfantasticomically Yours, Albert E. Smythe There were several post-scripts, all in the same vein, added to it. Exerting our deductive powers we reached the following conclusions: 1. both gag letters were done on Martin's machine, we compared with a missive from lew; & 2. by a comparison of the handwritings involved with those on a group card from Denver we came to the conclusion that Bronson did the above one, and Martin the other. "J'accuse!"
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FAN-ATIC 7 CAB, AMACHOR DETECTIVE Yeah, the versatile country squire of Harrington Park has turned defective. (Oops, "detective"!) Latest reports from the New Jersey Detective HQ are that the baffled New Jersey police have finally called upon CAB to solve a series of mysterious mysteries which have been baffling them. And the strange thing about these mysteries is that they have been happening to CAB himself. Since CAB was too busy advising FDR on the foreign situation(s) he turned this matter over the NJ Police, only to discover that these worthies were too busy keeping Moskowitz and Hague apart to do anything but turn the case back to CAB. Here, dear friend, is the story: Shortly after the Denvention we received an air-mail letter from Denver, postmarked as of July 10; a few days later we received another letter from Denver, by ordinary mail this time, but postmarked the same day. Both were the type of letter one might expect to receive from the inmate of a loony-bin after having been on a binge for some two or three weeks, drinking denatured alcohol laced with ether. Just the type of thing a fan at a convention might commit. It would be a sheer waste of space to print them both, so we'll print the first one, which incidentally was the shorter and saner of the two. The other, which I'd much prefer printing, is too long, over a page elite. This one was addressed to "Mr. Charles G. Beling, La Roach Avenue,"...It purported to come from one "Albert E. Smythe of 1329 Lafayette, Denver, Colorado." Frankly, we were suspicious of that "Smythe". The letter follows; and after the letter, our deductions as to the 2 criminals: Mr. Charles G. Beling Editor: The Fan-Atic Magazine Harrington Park, New Jersey Dear Mr. Beling: I have read various reviews of your fine publication in many other outstanding fan publications. I have always been meaning to send in my subscription to your wonderful magazine, but unfortunately I have fifteen children and have been out of a job until quite recently and as you can readily see have not had the cash to go around subscribing to fan magazines even as outstanding as Fan-Atic Digest which I have seen advertised in various other fan publications and have seen reviewed in various fan publications which have given you quite enthusiastic reviews of your fine outstanding magazine. However, lately I have been getting quite a large salary for a science fiction fan and have been seriously thinking of publishing a fan publication of my very own. It will be entitled "Fantascientifiction Digest" or perhaps "Scientifictional Romances". The thought has entered my mind (heh, heh, heh) that you might be willing to exchange with me although I fully realize that my magazine will never equal yours in quality or quantity. Please write me ari mail special delivery as to whether you will accept my proposition or not. Very Scientifictionallyfantasticomically Yours, Albert E. Smythe There were several post-scripts, all in the same vein, added to it. Exerting our deductive powers we reached the following conclusions: 1. both gag letters were done on Martin's machine, we compared with a missive from lew; & 2. by a comparison of the handwritings involved with those on a group card from Denver we came to the conclusion that Bronson did the above one, and Martin the other. "J'accuse!"
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