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Leprechaun, v. 1, issue 3, Summer 1942
Page 6
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6 LEPRECHAUN Mr. Stingbummer raised his head and regarded his boss with a gaze which he tried to make nonchalant. "Stingbummer, tell me t he truth! What is your favorite science fiction magazine?" The lad bit his lip, then squared his shoulders. "I," he announced, cannot tell a lie. My favorite science fiction magazine is Titanic Stories. In fact, it is the only one I read now." He bowed his head and awaited the axe. J. P. Guggenheimer was making odd noises, rather like a kettle of badly over-boiled water. Then he began muttering to himself, incoherently; Mr. Stingbummer caught a phrase here and there: "Likes Titanic -- doesn't read CBS -- yellow dog -- only man available for the job -- buckets of blood -- " Then J. P. Guggenheimer turned abruptly and walked away, swiftly and silently. Our hero stared for a moment, then leaned weakly against the side of a building, as passers-by regarded him in curiosity. Next morning J.P. Guggenheimer phoned his office to announce that he was indisposed and would not be present that day; similar call was made by Mr. Stingbummer. The following day, J. P. Gugenheimer was at his desk as usual, but looking rather peaked. Mr. Stingbummer, however, was late. J. P. Guggenheimer did no work; he sat and stared at the clock, tapping his desk with his finger-tips. Hours he sat there, staring and tapping. Finally,t he door opened. Our hero entered, stood dramatically in the doorway, and shouted, "I'm through!" ...And that is why if you go down the offices of Chilling Blunder Stories you will find J. P. Guggenheimer pacing the floor, secretary-haunted; you will hear the muffled sobs of Ephriam Q. Stingbummer's secretary; and you will discover all the editors at Chilling's offices to be grim-faced --- and even E. P. Phipps, the humble office boy, will speak to you in hushed tones. end a_d_v_e_r_t_i_s_e_m_e_n_t Fans are still whispering in dark corners the tale of Egbert Fann. He was completely unhappy at the Denvention, shunned by other fans, an outcast. Why? Well, it seems he was a real, living - and-breathing fan who didn't subscribe to Spaceways. He didn't know what to talk about; he couldn't know about the epic Widnerides whose tales are recounted in Spaceways; he didn't know that a Spaceways article, Tucker's "Confidential Notes on Editors", had been chosen best fan humor of the year; he knew nothing about rare stf. books which had been described in "What They Are About"; he just didn't know anything. All that is remedied now, of course. Egbert went home, weeping, took out his shotgun and decided to end it all. Then a bright idea struck him. He ran down to a pawn shop, put his gun in hock, and subscribed to Spaceways with the money. Since then he has risen from 653rd to 59th fan in Widner's poll, started a fanzine of his own, his complexion has improved, and he's a new person. Don't be like Egbert! If you don't subscribe to Spaceways, send a dime for one, or a quarter for three, issues right away, to Harry Warner, Jr., 303 Bryan Place, Hagerstown, Maryland. It's the oldest regularly appearing subscription fanzine, in its fourth successful year of publication, and has been voted first in every poll of fanzines taken during the past two years.
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6 LEPRECHAUN Mr. Stingbummer raised his head and regarded his boss with a gaze which he tried to make nonchalant. "Stingbummer, tell me t he truth! What is your favorite science fiction magazine?" The lad bit his lip, then squared his shoulders. "I," he announced, cannot tell a lie. My favorite science fiction magazine is Titanic Stories. In fact, it is the only one I read now." He bowed his head and awaited the axe. J. P. Guggenheimer was making odd noises, rather like a kettle of badly over-boiled water. Then he began muttering to himself, incoherently; Mr. Stingbummer caught a phrase here and there: "Likes Titanic -- doesn't read CBS -- yellow dog -- only man available for the job -- buckets of blood -- " Then J. P. Guggenheimer turned abruptly and walked away, swiftly and silently. Our hero stared for a moment, then leaned weakly against the side of a building, as passers-by regarded him in curiosity. Next morning J.P. Guggenheimer phoned his office to announce that he was indisposed and would not be present that day; similar call was made by Mr. Stingbummer. The following day, J. P. Gugenheimer was at his desk as usual, but looking rather peaked. Mr. Stingbummer, however, was late. J. P. Guggenheimer did no work; he sat and stared at the clock, tapping his desk with his finger-tips. Hours he sat there, staring and tapping. Finally,t he door opened. Our hero entered, stood dramatically in the doorway, and shouted, "I'm through!" ...And that is why if you go down the offices of Chilling Blunder Stories you will find J. P. Guggenheimer pacing the floor, secretary-haunted; you will hear the muffled sobs of Ephriam Q. Stingbummer's secretary; and you will discover all the editors at Chilling's offices to be grim-faced --- and even E. P. Phipps, the humble office boy, will speak to you in hushed tones. end a_d_v_e_r_t_i_s_e_m_e_n_t Fans are still whispering in dark corners the tale of Egbert Fann. He was completely unhappy at the Denvention, shunned by other fans, an outcast. Why? Well, it seems he was a real, living - and-breathing fan who didn't subscribe to Spaceways. He didn't know what to talk about; he couldn't know about the epic Widnerides whose tales are recounted in Spaceways; he didn't know that a Spaceways article, Tucker's "Confidential Notes on Editors", had been chosen best fan humor of the year; he knew nothing about rare stf. books which had been described in "What They Are About"; he just didn't know anything. All that is remedied now, of course. Egbert went home, weeping, took out his shotgun and decided to end it all. Then a bright idea struck him. He ran down to a pawn shop, put his gun in hock, and subscribed to Spaceways with the money. Since then he has risen from 653rd to 59th fan in Widner's poll, started a fanzine of his own, his complexion has improved, and he's a new person. Don't be like Egbert! If you don't subscribe to Spaceways, send a dime for one, or a quarter for three, issues right away, to Harry Warner, Jr., 303 Bryan Place, Hagerstown, Maryland. It's the oldest regularly appearing subscription fanzine, in its fourth successful year of publication, and has been voted first in every poll of fanzines taken during the past two years.
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