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Burpocratic Bulletin, issue 1, 1941?
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THE BURPOCRATIC BULLETIN Number 1. Published free of charge, by the Executive Council of The Burpocratic Alliance of North America and Bermuda. -------------------------------------- BURPOCRACY by Frederick Shroyer For years I have realized that the present economic, political, and governmental systems were doomed. Most Great Scientists (with whom I have worked) agree with me. And as a result of my extensive research and underground listening, I have evolved the Only system of salvation. Burpocracy, for so I have chosen to call it, is based upon the measurements of Pryamids and the Diagnository Chart of Urper's Sanitorium. By means of these two sources, considering that Helium was first found on the Sun and later located on the Earth and now used for the inflation of balloons, I shall prove, Scientifically, that Utopia is passe, Technocracy is faulty, and the measurements of the inner Kings Chamber of the Great Pyramid of Geeza show the light. Not based on Ergs. Not based on money (Filthy stuff). But based upon the Prime Scientific Tittilation, the number of belches emitted by a man between the ages of 16 and 60. These belches, which never vary, are called "urps". An Urp is defined, in the Shroyer Collosal Scientific Enlightenment Encyclopedia, page 5544, under "Urping", Vol. 10., "unk-to-urp", as I quote: "Urp: to urp; to belch. Unit of Measurement. One urp of intestinal gas is that quantity sufficient to produce a 3rd magnitude belch in 145 lbs. of animal. Ten urps equal one burp. Ten burps equal a social faux pas, etc." These urps are the only Scientific constant in a Scientific System. All Great Scientists Admit This. "And if a Scientist doesn't?" you say. Well, then he isn't a Great Scientist. He's probably one of those false, blind scientists like Milliken, Hale, or Compton. But I dilly -- any Intelligent Person will see that this system of evaluation based upon the "urp" is the only hope this North American Continent and Bermuda can have in the face of the collapse of the present system on April 1st, 1944. (Opening Date Subject to Change Without Notice). I have elaborate charts, prepared by me and other Great Scientists, that show, indisputably, by long division, that this collapse will occur and that Burpocracy will "take over". When I first put out a tentative feeler and started this movement there were so few members that we didn't like to talk about it. Now, there are so many members that we don't like to talk about it. I repeat, All The Great Scientists are behind us. Any inquiries as to number of members Burpocracy now has will be met with contemptuous disregard they deserve. If you've got Real Intelligence and Sense, you are with us; if you haven't, we don't want you. But I don't want to say too much about this. If you are Intelligent you will send $5 (the stuff won't be worth anything, anyway, so be a sport) as a down payment on the Burpocracy Home Study Course. The rest is payable in monthly installments. If you get in on the ground floor -- NOW! -- you will be a Burpocratic Big Shot when the Day Comes. If you fool around and don't get on the band wagon or Let George Do It -- well, don't be surprised ---- Let one of our associates speak. Spruce Jerke (pronounced jerkey), Burpocrat and World Famous Scientist says: "I've been a kickin' around for a long time lookin' for a good Utopia. Shroyer's satisfies me. He's got somethin' on the ball." Thank you, Spruce. You, too, can be satisfied. Prepare now for that great day when North America and Bermuda, by spontaneous and enthusiastic agreement, are forced to establish Burpocracy. Already Canada is solidly behind us. (Author's note: Dear Ed: How's tricks? If any copies of this magazine go to Canada, change above to read: "Already the entire United States is solidly behind us." Thanks.) Why do YOU tarry?
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THE BURPOCRATIC BULLETIN Number 1. Published free of charge, by the Executive Council of The Burpocratic Alliance of North America and Bermuda. -------------------------------------- BURPOCRACY by Frederick Shroyer For years I have realized that the present economic, political, and governmental systems were doomed. Most Great Scientists (with whom I have worked) agree with me. And as a result of my extensive research and underground listening, I have evolved the Only system of salvation. Burpocracy, for so I have chosen to call it, is based upon the measurements of Pryamids and the Diagnository Chart of Urper's Sanitorium. By means of these two sources, considering that Helium was first found on the Sun and later located on the Earth and now used for the inflation of balloons, I shall prove, Scientifically, that Utopia is passe, Technocracy is faulty, and the measurements of the inner Kings Chamber of the Great Pyramid of Geeza show the light. Not based on Ergs. Not based on money (Filthy stuff). But based upon the Prime Scientific Tittilation, the number of belches emitted by a man between the ages of 16 and 60. These belches, which never vary, are called "urps". An Urp is defined, in the Shroyer Collosal Scientific Enlightenment Encyclopedia, page 5544, under "Urping", Vol. 10., "unk-to-urp", as I quote: "Urp: to urp; to belch. Unit of Measurement. One urp of intestinal gas is that quantity sufficient to produce a 3rd magnitude belch in 145 lbs. of animal. Ten urps equal one burp. Ten burps equal a social faux pas, etc." These urps are the only Scientific constant in a Scientific System. All Great Scientists Admit This. "And if a Scientist doesn't?" you say. Well, then he isn't a Great Scientist. He's probably one of those false, blind scientists like Milliken, Hale, or Compton. But I dilly -- any Intelligent Person will see that this system of evaluation based upon the "urp" is the only hope this North American Continent and Bermuda can have in the face of the collapse of the present system on April 1st, 1944. (Opening Date Subject to Change Without Notice). I have elaborate charts, prepared by me and other Great Scientists, that show, indisputably, by long division, that this collapse will occur and that Burpocracy will "take over". When I first put out a tentative feeler and started this movement there were so few members that we didn't like to talk about it. Now, there are so many members that we don't like to talk about it. I repeat, All The Great Scientists are behind us. Any inquiries as to number of members Burpocracy now has will be met with contemptuous disregard they deserve. If you've got Real Intelligence and Sense, you are with us; if you haven't, we don't want you. But I don't want to say too much about this. If you are Intelligent you will send $5 (the stuff won't be worth anything, anyway, so be a sport) as a down payment on the Burpocracy Home Study Course. The rest is payable in monthly installments. If you get in on the ground floor -- NOW! -- you will be a Burpocratic Big Shot when the Day Comes. If you fool around and don't get on the band wagon or Let George Do It -- well, don't be surprised ---- Let one of our associates speak. Spruce Jerke (pronounced jerkey), Burpocrat and World Famous Scientist says: "I've been a kickin' around for a long time lookin' for a good Utopia. Shroyer's satisfies me. He's got somethin' on the ball." Thank you, Spruce. You, too, can be satisfied. Prepare now for that great day when North America and Bermuda, by spontaneous and enthusiastic agreement, are forced to establish Burpocracy. Already Canada is solidly behind us. (Author's note: Dear Ed: How's tricks? If any copies of this magazine go to Canada, change above to read: "Already the entire United States is solidly behind us." Thanks.) Why do YOU tarry?
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