DIY History | Transcribe | Hevelin Fanzines | Fantasia, v. 1, issue 1, January 1941

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Fantasia, v. 1, issue 1, January 1941

Page 19

FANTASIA
19

After the blood-punch had gone around three times, the atmosphere mellowed considerably, and the conversation drifted to more serious topics. The international situation was hastily solved and pigeon-holed, and various other evils of the assorted worlds were rectified in short order.

"And so I sez to the editor of Famous Fantastic Mysteries, I sez: 'Look out kid, or I'll knock your Bok off! Hahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!'."

"Besht li'l magazhine on th' market!" pipes up Herman the Pixie, emerging from a billowing cloud of high-octane alcoholic fumes. "And th latesht isshu ish a hum-hum hum-hum-"

"Dinger!" supplies Falstaff, who at the same time dashes off an insulting message on an odd scrap of gold-leaf, stuffs it into a dead soldier and flings it out to sea.

"Thash right!" exults Herman the Pixie. "I'm gonna shtart reading it tomorrow -- if I can shee shraight by that time --"

The bottles go up and down again, and all are agreed that FFM is top-notch. But the unanimity of opinion is broken when somebody brings up Fantastic Novels.

"I shay itsh better than FFM." insists Herman the Pixie.

"You're a liar!" comments Falstaff the Djinn.

"Whatsh that got to do with it?" appeals Herman the Pixie. "FN is still the besht I shay."

TheManInTheBlueTopper has a sly look on his face, which is now green to match the sunrise. "How about Thrilling Wonder and Startling and Captain Future?" he taunts. 

"Blbwrbgblwr!" blbwrbgblwrbles Falstaff the Djinn. "TWS. Grrr! Startling. Wrrgg! Captain Future. Gkwkkk! And that stinko Sergeant Saturn! Why I knew the bum when he was a private, first class, polishing spitoons at the Pluto sub-station!"

"How about Science Fiction and Future Fiction then?"

"The Quarterly stinks," says Falstaff the Djinn. "But where in all fifteen thousand reeking blue hells on wheels are the other two?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" rumbles the Face In The Sky, disappearing forthwith.

"Now, Astounding and Unknown..."

"Voila! Astounding! Cest Magnificque!" exclaims Falstaff the Djinn.

"Poor Un -- known!" hics Herman the Pixie.

"And Astonishing and Super-Science?"

"Hokay. Hokay." supplies Falstaff the Djinn. "Final issue of Super-Science has a good Morey cover!"

"Hey!" Herman the Pixie interjects. "If it wash good, it couldn't be Morey!"

"And that new Comet?"

"Better than I expected," Falstaff the Djinn admits. "But that stuff in the Spacean is a lot of bull! The guy's got it all wrong! Now I was there and I know!"

"What have we left?" asks Herman the Pixie. 

"Three fifths," says Falstaff the Djinn, counting on his toes.

"And Planet?"

"Artwork stinks!" says Falstaff the Djinn. "It shouldn't happen to a dog!"

"Check!" stutters Herman the Pixie.

"And Marvel?"

"All they need," says Falstaff the Djinn, "is candy and Parisian Opera Glasses in the ten minute intermission!"

"Well," says TheManInTheBlueTopper, "I guess that about covers it. I have to be going, because I have an important conference at eight."

"Give her my regards," says Falstaff the Djinn. "But haven't you forgotten something?"

"Oh yes!" says TheManInTheBlueTopper. "Amazing and Fantastic Adventures!"

The sand-bar sinks in convulsions, and the earth shakes and volcanos erupt as all three mount upon the great white bat and fly away into the yodeling dawn...

THE END

Saving...

FANTASIA 19 After the blood-punch had gone around three times, the atmosphere mellowed considerably, and the conversation drifted to more serious topics. The international situation was hastily solved and pigeon-holed, and various other evils of the assorted worlds were rectified in short order. "And so I sez to the editor of Famous Fantastic Mysteries, I sez: 'Look out kid, or I'll knock your Bok off! Hahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!'." "Besht li'l magazhine on th' market!" pipes up Herman the Pixie, emerging from a billowing cloud of high-octane alcoholic fumes. "And th latesht isshu ish a hum-hum hum-hum-" "Dinger!" supplies Falstaff, who at the same time dashes off an insulting message on an odd scrap of gold-leaf, stuffs it into a dead soldier and flings it out to sea. "Thash right!" exults Herman the Pixie. "I'm gonna shtart reading it tomorrow -- if I can shee shraight by that time --" The bottles go up and down again, and all are agreed that FFM is top-notch. But the unanimity of opinion is broken when somebody brings up Fantastic Novels. "I shay itsh better than FFM." insists Herman the Pixie. "You're a liar!" comments Falstaff the Djinn. "Whatsh that got to do with it?" appeals Herman the Pixie. "FN is still the besht I shay." TheManInTheBlueTopper has a sly look on his face, which is now green to match the sunrise. "How about Thrilling Wonder and Startling and Captain Future?" he taunts. "Blbwrbgblwr!" blbwrbgblwrbles Falstaff the Djinn. "TWS. Grrr! Startling. Wrrgg! Captain Future. Gkwkkk! And that stinko Sergeant Saturn! Why I knew the bum when he was a private, first class, polishing spitoons at the Pluto sub-station!" "How about Science Fiction and Future Fiction then?" "The Quarterly stinks," says Falstaff the Djinn. "But where in all fifteen thousand reeking blue hells on wheels are the other two?" "Wouldn't you like to know?" rumbles the Face In The Sky, disappearing forthwith. "Now, Astounding and Unknown..." "Voila! Astounding! Cest Magnificque!" exclaims Falstaff the Djinn. "Poor Un -- known!" hics Herman the Pixie. "And Astonishing and Super-Science?" "Hokay. Hokay." supplies Falstaff the Djinn. "Final issue of Super-Science has a good Morey cover!" "Hey!" Herman the Pixie interjects. "If it wash good, it couldn't be Morey!" "And that new Comet?" "Better than I expected," Falstaff the Djinn admits. "But that stuff in the Spacean is a lot of bull! The guy's got it all wrong! Now I was there and I know!" "What have we left?" asks Herman the Pixie. "Three fifths," says Falstaff the Djinn, counting on his toes. "And Planet?" "Artwork stinks!" says Falstaff the Djinn. "It shouldn't happen to a dog!" "Check!" stutters Herman the Pixie. "And Marvel?" "All they need," says Falstaff the Djinn, "is candy and Parisian Opera Glasses in the ten minute intermission!" "Well," says TheManInTheBlueTopper, "I guess that about covers it. I have to be going, because I have an important conference at eight." "Give her my regards," says Falstaff the Djinn. "But haven't you forgotten something?" "Oh yes!" says TheManInTheBlueTopper. "Amazing and Fantastic Adventures!" The sand-bar sinks in convulsions, and the earth shakes and volcanos erupt as all three mount upon the great white bat and fly away into the yodeling dawn... THE END